Take A Breath
by taywizzle
Summary: Carlos and Logan are ex's, but Logan isn't over what they had. Carlos knows how Logan feels about him and uses it to play with Logan's feelings. Cargan. Also has Kogan and Kames.
1. Just a Friend

**This is my first fic, the idea just kind of hit me today and I decided I should write it up. Please tell me what you think and enjoy!**

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><p>There he was again, the best boyfriend I ever had. All that was over though and we never spoke about what we used to have, we were just friends now. I watched as Carlos Garcia trotted; well as he floated down the math hallway towards me as he did every morning. His hips swayed seductively as he walked, something that was normal for the small Latino boy.<p>

"Hey Logan!" Carlos said as he sauntered towards me.

"Hey Carlos!" I said, just as enthusiastically.

Carlos walked me to my math class like he did every morning and we chatted along the way. I didn't know if it was just me, but Carlos seemed a bit flirtier today. We always flirt, that's just how our friendship works, but today something just seemed...different. I shook my head as I took my seat in the front of the room, I didn't like to be bothered while class was going on and the front row was the only place I could successfully accomplish this goal. However, even I wasn't safe in the front row from Kendall Knight. He and his best friend James Diamond were the school's known bullies and neither attempted to reject this persona. Kendall sat next to me whenever he got the chance, just to irk me, and Calculus was no different.

"Hey Ogie." I shuddered at the nickname Kendall gave me freshman year, that was four years ago, but I hated the nickname the same passion I did that very first day he talked to me.

"Hi Kendall," I looked ahead, trying not to give him the satisfaction he had been feeding off of. It was like he and Diamond lived to torture me and Carlos. I sighed a sigh of relief when the bell rang and the teacher walked in, Knight wouldn't be able to bother me the rest of class, and he usually didn't. However, as I got my mind off of Knight it only brought me back to Carlos.

I didn't want Carlos to know how I felt about him, at least not yet. We had been broken up for over a year but every day it seemed harder and harder for me to just be friends with him. I wasn't even clear why we broke up, one day Carlos had come up to me and just ended it telling me that he couldn't tell me the reason, as least not yet while promising that we would stay friends. He had stuck to that promise and I was grateful, I didn't have many friends at Appleton Academy and Carlos was the best friend I had these days. Everyone else looked like a stick in the mud next to his boyish personality and alluring features.

I accidently sighed out loud at this thought, just to receive a glance from Kendall. From the corner of my eye it almost looked...concerned. Wait, what? Kendall would never be concerned about me. I didn't let that bother me the rest of class and the bell couldn't ring fast enough. I almost ran to the door, trying to make my escape as quick as possible without getting bombarded by Kendall. I turned sharply to the right so I could make it to my next class safely when I ran right into someone and knocked their books out of their hands.

"I'm so sorr-"

"Don't worry Mitchell, I won't hold this against you...for too long." I began to shake as I recognized the voice belonged to James Diamond. I dropped his thins back on the floor and just stood back up to look him in the face. I wasn't going to back down from him this time. He had given me too much trouble over the years.

"Why don't you watch where you're going Diamond." I attempted (and failed) at a quick sneer before walking around James. I could feel his eyes burning a hole into my back as I made my way to my second class but I didn't care, he and Kendall had given me enough shit and I wasn't about to take anymore.

The rest of the school day went smoothly, but the images of Carlos kept appearing in my head. It was hard to accept someone you had feelings for as just a friend, a best friend at that. Since we were so close I spent a lot of my free time with Carlos and that wasn't helping me at all. When the final bell rang I bolted out of my seat trying to beat Carlos to our cars (we always parked next to each other) so I wouldn't have to speak to him again.

"Hey Logan, wait up!"

_Shit, I knew this wouldn't be easy._

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><p><strong>Tell me what you think? <strong>


	2. Work It Out

I turned around, putting on an academy award winning grin. "Hey Carlos!" My best friend and ex lover ran up to me and put his arm around me enthusiastically.

"Well, you know today is our 'trynottohavetoomuchfun Thursday,' and we're supposed to go to your house. I rented movies for us to watch and I even brought my own popcorn so I wouldn't eat all yours." Carlos had a huge grin on his face and I couldn't walk away, I couldn't miss our biggest night of the week because I was feeling a bit down.

"Alright Carlos," I said through my obviously fake smile, "just give me an hour to finish my homework and I'll be ready for tonight." Carlos gave me the biggest hug as he grabbed my hand and dragged me off to our cars. I couldn't help but glance at our hands, how they felt like they perfectly fit together. I was so lost in the feeling I got when our hands touched that I hadn't even realized we were at our cars.

"Logan? Are you okay." Carlos pouted out his lips, something I always loved. I couldn't tell him now, not tonight, not anytime soon, so I cracked a sideways smile and shook my head yes. The overexcited Carlos accepted my answer slowly, as his facial expression softened and he let go of my hand. I looked down at my own hand instantly wishing his would return.

"Carlos, I'll see you tonight." I scrambled for my keys and got in my car. I drove home instantly wishing I had said something else, anything else. Carlos would know something was wrong with me, I never walked away like that, not even when I was mad at him. That's what made our friendship work, our communication. We talked everything out. We had no secrets. Well none but what I was hiding right now.

I did my homework slowly, I couldn't get Carlos out of my mind. As soon as I put my pencil down my doorbell rang. I ran down the steps excited to see Carlos again but instantly feeling the pit of dread in my stomach. Why couldn't I just see him as 'friend' Carlos, it was always 'ex-boyfriend that I want to be my boyfriend again' Carlos. It was a painful experience. I vigorously shook my head and reached for the doorknob. Tonight would be about me and Carlos, but it would stay about us as friends.

"Hey buddy!" Carlos gave me another hug as he ran into my house. He shook his jacket off on his way to the kitchen and it landed on the floor. I chuckled softly as I picked up the jacket and put it on the coat rack. Carlos was never concerned with where his things landed and he often misplaced things, on my way to the kitchen I also had to move his shoes. Finally I caught up to the ball of energy as he was excitedly putting his popcorn in the microwave. Once it was started he turned to face me. "So I brought The Other Guys and Inception, I know you haven't seen the Other Guys but I also knew Inception was one of your favorites, I hope that's okay."

I smiled my first genuine smile of the day. "Carlos that's perfect." I got us both cups and poured us some Hawaiian Punch. Carlos had made enough popcorn for the two of us before we got settled into my living room. He plopped down on the couch while I put in The Other Guys.

"Logan I'm _really_ glad you let me come over today, you seemed a little...out of it. If I did something..." Carlos began to apologize, even though he had no idea why. I couldn't let him apologize when he hadn't done anything on purpose, this was all me, I was the one with my confusing emotions not him.

"Carlos, don't. You don't owe me an apology, I've just been kind of confused about some things. No need for you to worry."

"But I will worry Logan, I always worry when you get down. At first I tried not to let it bother me but you've been trying to hide something from me. Just because I'm always hyper and I go from one topic to another quickly doesn't mean I don't see when you're upset." Carlos began to do that lip pout thing again and I knew I had to say something.

"Well Carlos, there is something that's been bothering me, well a someone really..." I began slowly for fear I would say too much. "He's-"

"Oh so it's a boy...?" Carlos asked looking at me with his big brown eyes. I got lost for a moment before I remembered I needed to answer his question.

"Uh, yeah Carlos it is."

"Well who is it!" Carlos started to smile widely, but it wasn't his usual smile, something was off...he looked like he was trying hard to smile, and smiling _always_ came easy for Carlos.

"I, I can't say right now. He's just everything I've wanted in someone else. Meh, I don't think we should talk about this right now Carlos." I didn't want to look up at him, I knew if I did I'd spill everything to him, I'd tell him of my love for him, I'd tell him all the things I loved about him like his breath taking smile, his big brown eyes, the way he laughs...ugh everything in my head was conflicting me. Against everything in my brain that said not to, I knew I had too, to see the look on his face.

So I did it, I looked up. He looked hurt, like really hurt, so I tried to make it better by doing the only thing I could. I pulled him in for a tight embrace, Carlos always loved hugs and we always give them to each other when we're going through something difficult. When I pulled back he smiled at me, and I knew I was forgiven. We began to watch the movie again, and we were laughing through the whole thing. Everything was perfect, it reminded me so much of a year ago when we were together, but I tried to push all those thoughts to the back of my mind.

_Not now. Not when everything is so perfect._

At that moment I felt someone looking at me, I turned and sure enough it was Carlos and he was giving me a weak smile, but then he did the inexcusable, he placed his hand on my leg and left it there. This wasn't one of his reassuring, friendly pats on the leg and I was freaking out inwardly. I just looked back up at him and he scooted closer to me. I wanted to take him right then, on the couch, but I didn't I just sighed and turned back to the movie. I didn't know how much longer I could take this, especially if Carlos was going to do this to me. I got lost in my thoughts and I didn't really pay attention to the rest of the movie, by the time Carlos got up to in Inception I already knew I wasn't going to make it through the whole thing and Carlos didn't look like he could either. I debated telling him that we could watch the movie later and he should just head out, but something stopped me. I just wanted to hold him more.

_Lord, I am so selfish._

As the movie began Carlos reclaimed his seat right next to me and laid his head on my shoulder. I mentally sighed as the movie began, but I felt myself dosing. I had so many things to figure out and I knew I had to do it quick. I wanted to take another chance with Carlos but I didn't know where to begin.

"Logan?"


	3. Stood Up

I inhaled deeply, "Yes Carlos?" I looked down at the boy who suddenly looked vulnerable, he hadn't looked that way in so long, it was a heart wrenching face.

"Do you want to go get something to eat this weekend? Like a real dinner, just the two of us." His eyes were gazing into mine, with a look I hadn't seen in so long, I missed those looks.

_Fuck. How am I supposed to reply to that. Dinner with Carlos this weekend? Wouldn't it be like a date? _

We hadn't had a 'date' since the breakup for the obvious reasons, and my hands instantly began to get sweaty, I didn't want to say no, but I didn't want to say yes either. I knew I had to say yes though, Carlos would be concerned if I said no.

"Alright Carlos, we can go get dinner Saturday night." I sighed as he just smiled and laid his head back on my shoulder. I couldn't help but stare at him a moment before I focused back on the movie. I didn't know what was going on in his head, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know, because it could end up with me getting hurt all over again.

_I love you Carlos Garcia, please don't play with that part of me that loves you._

I woke up to the alarm on my phone telling me it was time to get ready for school, I went to stretch but noticed something was on my shoulder, I glanced over and noticed it was Carlos, we were still snuggled up on the couch and there was a blanket over us.

_Mom must have come down and seen we were asleep. _

I went to wake Carlos but not before I noticed how beautiful he looked as he slept.

"Carlos, buddy, wake up, I think we fell asleep during the movie. You need to go home so you can get ready for school."

Carlos moved slowly, and I instantly craved for him to lay back over and drift back to sleep. We both got up off the couch and just looked at each other, we were a mess. Carlos looked sleep eyed and I knew I looked the same, I helped him get all his things as he made his way to the door, he gave me a quick and sleepy "G'night," before he made his way out to his car and drove down the street to his own house.

I didn't have the heart to remind him that it was the morning so I just shut the door and made my way to my kitchen where my mother was making us breakfast, dad had already made his way to work I assumed as I took my place at the table. "Morning mom." I grumbled as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

"Morning Logan, I hope you don't mind that I left you and Carlos sleeping, I know you still feel for him honey, but you two just looked so peaceful."

"S'okay. Mom, he wants to go out for dinner on Saturday."

"Well isn't that what you two have been doing every weekend?" She turned to face me with a truly puzzled look on her face before going back to cooking.

"This time it just seemed different, like the way he asked was different. He looked truly nervous, like he did the first time he asked me to go out with him." I scrunched my face up as I analyzed his facial expressions from last night, I wouldn't tell my mom about how he rested his hand on my leg or how he had come closer, not yet.

"Well baby, maybe whatever it was that was bothering him last year is gone now, maybe he's trying to give everything another try."

"Maybe." I said, it was the last thing either one of us said until it was time for me to head out to school, "Bye mom! See you tonight." I left out the door in a hurry, I never wanted to be late.

I didn't see Carlos this morning, and I assumed it was because he had gotten home just this morning; he was probably still getting ready and wouldn't be at school for a while. I went to first period and Kendall didn't bother me for once, not out of concern for me but he was too busy picking on someone else in the back of the room, I could hear him and the rest of the bone heads in our class making rude comments and grunting at each other in approval. I don't know what satisfaction they got out of making people upset, but it must be worth the torment they cause others.

Surprisingly the rest of my day went about the same, it was all dull, but only because I couldn't wait for tomorrow. I knew it wasn't a 'date' it couldn't be...right? I just couldn't wait to spend time with Carlos that wouldn't involve us being...best friends...but real time together, time where we would have meaningful conversations, instead of just mentioning the new video games that were about to be released.

My mom was waiting on me when I got home, she wouldn't admit she was waiting for me, but I could tell. "Hey mom." I said as I tried to run past her and go to my room, I should have known that wouldn't work.

"Sweetie, we need to talk."

"Yeah, mom?"

She looked at me nervously. "Are you sure about going out with Carlos tomorrow? It won't be too hard for you?"

"Mom, I'll be fine." I gave her a reassuring smile and ran up the steps to my room closing the door behind me. The rest of the night I spent doing my homework so I wouldn't have to finish it Friday night. After I got out of the shower I looked at my phone to see if I had any new messages and sure enough there was one from Carlos.

_**Sorry about missing you this morning, I was running a bit late. I'm sure you know why. Can't wait for tomorrow!(:**_

I smiled before typing my reply.

_**I can't wait either. What time and where?**_

It took a few minutes before I felt my phone vibrate.

_**Hmm. What about 8 at Red Lobster? You like that place right?**_

I chuckled, I didn't just like Red Lobster I LOVED Red Lobster. Carlos knew what he was doing, and if he was trying to rekindle the romance, I was definitely falling for him, and hard.

_**8 is perfect, and so is Red Lobster, see you then. (:**_

The next message took him about half an hour to send and by the time I got it I was anxious to see what he had to say.

_**Alright, tomorrow it is, I can't wait ;D**_

I started to freak out; Carlos put a winky face in the message.

_Maybe he did that on accident_

But I knew well enough that Carlos didn't make accidents when texting, when I went to sleep that night I felt overjoyed, tomorrow couldn't come fast enough. I just hope I would be pleased with the outfit I found.

The next day I was running around with the biggest grin on my face. It was now six o'clock and I was beginning to get ready for my big 'date.' I took a nice long shower, all the while thinking of how nice Carlos would look in whatever outfit he had picked out for tonight. I took an extra ten minutes than usual doing my hair because I wanted it to look just right and I put Carlos's favorite outfit of mine. I wanted everything to be perfect, memorable. I ran down the steps and told my parents I would be back in a couple of hours and I'd call if my plans changed. My mom gave me a quick hug and goodbye before I left. I knew she was worried about something but it was unclear what she had to worry about. We were just going to dinner. I shrug the feeling off before starting my way to the restaurant.

I arrived at the Red Lobster at 7:50, I was early so I just got us a table and sent Carlos a text telling him I was waiting, he didn't reply but I waited anyways. I ordered myself something to drink and at 8:00 I went ahead and got Carlos a drink too, sure he would arrive at any moment.

8:10 The waitress came back looking at the spot across the table from me with sympathetic eyes, maybe I should have taken her look a bit more seriously but instead I said, "He's coming, I know he is." She asked me if I wanted to order yet and I told her I'd just wait on my date.

8:20, still no sign of Carlos, I didn't know what to think, he still hadn't shown and I was getting worried. Carlos might not be on time for everything, but he still shows. I didn't want to leave and then he run in to say he was sorry, that he had gotten caught up in observing his kitten or his puppy just to find me gone.

So I sat and waited and waited and waited. At 9:30 my mom sent me a text asking how everything was going. I knew I had to tell her the truth, but I didn't want her to worry.

_**Everything is perfect mom. I'll tell you about it when I get home.**_

_Maybe I should just go by Carlos's house and see if he's there._

_**Hey mom, I'll be back in a few, we're going to Carlos's house and I don't know when I'll be back.**_

I paid the check and left to go visit my best friend at his home. I didn't know if I was angry at Carlos or just surprised that he had stood me up for dinner. Maybe something bad had happened? I began to panic. I pulled up into the all too familiar driveway twenty minutes later and I went up to the door in a hurry. Although his mom had told me I never had to knock I did anyways and I waited some more, which wasn't hard since I had been waiting since Thursday night. When the door opened I couldn't help but gasp, it was Carlos who opened the door and he was smiling at me...

_Why is he smiling? Did he forget about our date? What's going on?_


	4. Enough

**Thanks so much for the reviews and everything! They mean a lot! ((: **

**Now where were we in this little rendezvous? **

**Oh yes, with Logan showing up to Carlos's house... **

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><p>"Hey Logan!" Carlos scrambled to give me a hug but I pushed him off.<p>

"What the fuck Carlos? Where were you? I waited over an hour and a half for you! Dude I was worried, I thought maybe something happened to you! I, I...never mind, obviously you don't give a fuck. I'm leaving." I turned to go, my face had turned the color of a brand new fire truck, more than that I was flustered and tired. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.

_What was Carlos thinking? Shit, what was I thinking?_

Before I could even step off the porch Carlos whirled me around, he kissed me gently before mouthing, "You know I love you," and as soon as the kiss had begun it was over. I sat in shock until the very real sound of his front door slamming in my face startled me. I couldn't help but feel empty, today had not been anything like I expected. I stood shocked for a moment before retreating to my car.

_Why would he do that?_

I sat in the driver's seat for what felt like hours, thoughts running through my head. I jumped as my phone began to vibrate and when I looked at the caller id it was my mom.

"Honey where are you? I know you said you were going over to Carlos's house for a few but it's almost eleven! Your father and I are worried sick. Please come home." She sounded worried, and with good reason, I never went out for this long without giving her updates every now and then. My mom was like a superhero, she could always sense when I was upset, sometimes before I even knew what I was upset about.

"Mom I'll be home soon, I'm just down the street. I'm leaving Carlos's now." I tried to keep my voice strong but it ended up cracking multiple times, I reached a hand up and wiped the tears from my face.

"Honey, me and you need to talk when you get home, I know something is bothering you..." when she paused I could hear her take in a short breath, "I know that something is Carlos."

"Mom please I-"

"No Logan, we're having this talk." With that she hung up the phone and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes again. I started my car and backed out of the driveway, I glanced at the house one more time before driving off. A few seconds later I was at my own home, I stopped my car and took in a deep breath, this talk was not going to be easy, but my mom had always been my rock. She was the only person I could talk to about anything, she never judged me. After all, she was the first person I came out to...

"_Mom, there's something I need to tell you..."I had walked into the kitchen to find her washing the dishes and humming. She placed the bowl she had been washing back into the sink before turning around and drying her hands. I relaxed a bit as she walked towards me grinning. "Mom I think I'm..." I struggled to pull the last word from my mouth._

_I never got to finish, my mom pulled me into a big hug, "I know baby, I've always known."I began to cry and she did too, we cried together in the kitchen for an hour. The rest of the day we sat there talking until dad came home. When mom told him what I had told her he gave me a big hug and we all cried some more, it was the biggest family moment we've ever had. _

I came back to reality, I was opening the door and I had barely put my foot inside before my mom was by my side. She looked like she had been crying and I instantly felt bad.

"Mom can we have this conversation somewhere not the front hallway." I began to walk towards the kitchen and she followed. I plopped into my favorite seat and looked up at my mom. "Mom, he never showed up to the restaurant. I waited for over an hour, every time the waitress came back I just got more and more embarrassed, he's never done this before. I just don't even know what to think right now. There's more, I went to his house. I was hoping his mom could maybe tell me where he was because I had no idea that he would be there, that he would be the one to open the door...smiling at that." I took in a breath and looked up at my mom, she was looking at me intently before giving me an encouraging nod. I sucked in another breath before continuing, "He tried to act like nothing was wrong, but I obviously didn't like that, I pushed him away and he, he...he kissed me." At that my mom stood up from the table and walked away, obviously confused in her own way. "He told me he always loved me and then shut the door in my face, I've, I've never experienced something like that before, and I don't know what's going on between us."

"Honey," she turned and faced me again, "are you sure he isn't playing you?"

I looked up at her quickly, and I could tell it pained her to say those words almost as much as it hurt for me to hear them. "Mom, I don't, I don't even know anymore. I think I need some sleep. Can we finish this conversation in the morning?" She looked down at me and I could tell she was still upset, but with my promise of talking in the morning she let me go up to my room.

I showered and changed out of the outfit I had spent so much time searching for. I threw it in the corner, I intended to stay away from those clothes for as long as possible, they had too many memories attached, and I had enough to struggle with, I stared at my ceiling, thinking of Carlos and his games.

_Why would he do that to me? Why would he not respond to my texts, get me all worked up, and then just kiss me? _

However, I wasn't as upset about the kiss as I was what he did once he kissed me.

_Slamming the door in my face was just rude. Did I do something to deserve all the shit he's dishing at me?_ I furrowed my brow. _Of course I didn't do anything, other than attempting to avoid him on Thursday I've been the perfect best friend. Well as close to perfect as anyone could possibly be. Nothing is making since, but what if mom is right? What if he's just doing this to get a reaction out of me? _

At that, I rolled over onto my side and closed my eyes, I didn't want to think of Carlos anymore, not now.

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><p>Sunday was a total drag, my mom tried to talk to me some more about Carlos but I really just wasn't up to it. She kept mentioning how he was being a prude and he didn't know what he was missing out on, but that was just it. He had to know what he was missing out on because, well, he had had me before. We had done everything together, I mean I gave the boy my virginity. I couldn't take it anymore. She was down talking the person I loved, the person I felt I couldn't live without.<p>

After she finally gave up trying to talk to me I went back to my room and crashed onto my cozy chair. I began to think,

_If Carlos wants to play with me, shouldn't I be allowed to play around with him a bit? Maybe that'll get his attention and he'll see I mean business. I haven't the slightest idea on how to get Carlos back but I'm sure I know someone who will..._

I pulled out my cell phone and got online. I went straight to Facebook and pulled up my friends list. I scrolled and scrolled until one name caught my eye.

_Perfect._

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><p>I walked into school on Monday with a whole new attitude, I had taken myself out shopping after my revelation yesterday and I was a whole new Logan Mitchell. I walked through the hallways with my head held high. I got the usual glances from those who knew me who were probably thinking "What the fuck?" but I kept going. Today, I had no intentions of talking to anyone but one person in particular, and like clockwork there he was, right in front of. I did a very unusual smirk before yelling down the hallway at my target.<p>

"Knight! I have a proposition for you and Diamond. Care to listen?"


	5. This Is It

At that Kendall and James turned around, obviously amused by my sudden confidence. Kendall strutted over to me with James closely behind him, he smirked at me before saying, "And what would that me Ogie?"

"I-I just need your help with something important, meet me at my house after school?" I looked around as a crowd began to gather around us. Of course people would think a fight was about to break out. I just needed some privacy to tell the full story, hopefully not ending with Kendall and James telling everyone and making me the laughing stock of the school. I tried to sound smug, returning the looks I was getting from Knight and Diamond to their rightful owners. Deep inside I was nervous, I didn't know what to expect.

Knight looked at Diamond and then back at me, "We'll be there. Now why don't you get to class before you're late." He turned around and James followed him but not before giving me his award winning grin.

Logan sat nervously in his home while he waited on Kendall and James, he had asked his mom to leave for a few so he could talk to them. She didn't quite know what her son was doing with his new wardrobe or these new "friends" but she trusted her son. Just when he started to nervously jiggle, his leg the doorbell rang. He jumped up to answer it and sure enough it was Kendall and James,

"Boys." Logan greeted them as he ushered them in and shut the door.

"So why are we here Ogie?" Kendall asked as James stood by his side smirking.

"Yeah, Ogie why are we hear?" James asked as he begin to walk around my house.

I led them to the living room and they sat on the couch while I sat in a chair facing them, "Plain and simple, I need to get Carlos back." I looked at them with all the seriousness I could find in my body so they would know I was serious.

"Really, Garcia? I thought you two were buddy buddy, what happened?" Kendall looked concerned, it was that look from Calculus a few weeks ago. Diamond looked back and forth between us, he sensed something, but I didn't know what.

I filled them in, on everything. I expected them to be more shocked when I started the story with "I'm gay." But I guess it is pretty obvious... Anyways when I finished the story I took in a deep breath and looked back up at Kendall than I glanced at James, neither looked too uncomfortable, but I had yet to tell them my grand idea.

"So, what's this 'proposition'?" Kendall quirked his eyebrow at me as the last word rolled off his tongue. I inhaled deeply before continuing.

"I need to make Carlos jealous. Not just jealous, but really jealous, I need him to feel everything I've felt these past few days." I wasn't done yet but James decided now was the time for him to speak up.

"How are we supposed to help you make him jealous? We aren't gay. Why didn't you just ask one of those other fags...um...guys like you to help you out?" When he finished he looked over at Kendall, who looked deep in thought, before turning back to me. I was grateful that James had realized he had used some terminology he shouldn't have and he changes it. I had no idea he would ever be capable of showing someone he cared.

Kendall spoke up, "He wants us to pretend we're gay James."

James sat up a bit more, his slouch removed from his back and he narrowed his eyes at me, I looked away at him before saying, "Precisely." I glanced at Kendall before continuing, "I couldn't go to any of those other guys because Carlos wouldn't care if I went out eith one of them, he's friends with all of them, he knows they'd never have the balls to do anything with me. But you guys, he hates you guys, as I'm sure you know why," that earned a chuckle or two from the two muscular boys sitting on my couch. "Me with you all as just friends would irk him, get on his nerves, but I want to go beyond that, and to do that it requires a bit more...pardon this word for I have a lack of anything better... 'pimpin.' It would kill him to see me with the two guys he can't stand the most, especially if I was with them romantically."

I looked back up at Kendall and he doing his thinking face again, so James, knowing he had to say something before Kendall interjected saying, "Well what exactly are you wanting me and Kendall to do?" He raised an eyebrow at me before settling his face back down. Kendall now looked at me with an expression I just couldn't read, like he was hiding something, something he desperately wanted to get off his chest, but I knew better than to inquire.

"I really just need you guys for appearances, to make it look like we're fooling around, dating even, with the occasional handholding at school and every now and then venture out in public so no one can call bullshit on this whole thing. Well it is bullshit, but no one has to know that."

"What do we get in return?" He made eye contact with me momentarily before he looked away quickly, staring off into space.

"I've been thinking about that Kendall, I really have. I've asked myself what would two guys like Kendall and James want from a guy like me? Then I figured something out, I know you both really need help with your English grades and I'm not willing to write your papers or anything, but I wouldn't mind it if you all came over and I basically guided you through everything. It would be a shame to see two influential people be stuck in high school another year." I gave Kendall a weak smile, he looked like he needed someone to share some happiness his way.

"Sp me and James pretend to be your fake boyfriends, no one messes with you or us because they know we'll kick their asses, and then what? What do you want to come out of this Logan?"

I looked up at Kendall, I hadn't expected him to ask that. "I-I hope I can get two good friends out of this and maybe, maybe if he comes to his senses, I can get Carlos too." I blushed, knowing the idea sounded stupid when I said it out loud. I looked down at my shoes awkwardly until I heard the couch squeak.

_Great they were leaving, I knew this wouldn't work._

I saw a hand appear in my face, "I'm in."

Before I could say anything, another appeared next to the first hand, "I'm in too, I like messing with Garcia, so getting help with English is just a bonus," I heard James say.

I couldn't believe it, they agreed to this charade, I extended my hand to the two boys and shook both, "Boys, looks like we have some planning to do."

We were pretty official as we planned; I took the boys up to my room and pulled out my mini whiteboard and a marker. I propped it up and we got down to business planning the next month and instead of calling it November we dubbed it 'Carlos's Hell.' I was so proud of what we had planned; Kendall and James copied everything I wrote on the whiteboard into two notebooks so they would know what to expect each day and I jotted notes onto my calendar. We got everything ready for the next day and as the boys got ready to leave I noticed my mom was home. I introduced both Kendall and James before leading them to the door, when they left James turned and looked at me, "See you tomorrow, boyfriend." He winked my way and climbed into the passenger's seat of Kendall's car, and they were gone. Tomorrow would be interesting...

_Hope you're ready Carlos. If you care about our friendship at all tomorrow will be the beginning of the worst month of your life. I love you, but you can't do this to me again, and I need to make sure you won't._

I shut the door grinning, telling my mom I was going to bed for the night, I blew her a goodnight kiss and walked into my bedroom.

No going back, this was it.


	6. Week One

**This is much longer than what I normally write, I apologize in advanced. Enjoy! and review please! ((:**

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><p>Week One: Ignite the fire<p>

Tuesday. Day One. The First Kiss.

The next day I pulled into the school parking lot, I stepped out of my car and most of the heads turned my way. I wasn't surprised seeing as I had on one of my favorite new outfits. It was a pair of white skinny jeans, a black graphic shirt that said "BOLD" on the front in lime green letters, and a pair of black vans. I put on my brand new Ray-Bans and started walking towards the school building, as I got close to the front doors I felt two people beside me. Without even looking I knew it was Kendall and James.

"Boys, let the fun begin." They both walked a little bit ahead of me so they could open the double doors leading into the school, I attempted at a swag walk and Kendall let out a bit of a chuckle.

_So much for looking Swagtastic._

I took my sunglasses off and glanced around, no sign of Carlos, but he was here. I just had to lure him to me and the other boys. Kendall grabbed my left hand and I looked up at him. He was giving me a genuine weak smile before he turned forward again, his usual cocky grin in its usual place. James, noticing what Kendall had done, grabbed my other hand but he however never looked down at me, he was too busy glaring at all the people who dared give him any disapproving looks. I sighed heavily, I was honestly relieved they accepted my offer, with them on my side the bullying would stop, no one would dare mess with the boyfriend of this dynamic duo.

The boys walked me to class and before leaving James leaned over and gave me a kiss. It was soft and gentle, nothing I thought it would have been. Once he backed up separating our lips he smiled, like he was proud of himself. He walked away leaving me and Kendall alone, I watched as his hips swayed down the hallway. I noticed something unusual; the tall brunette had a nice ass. Kendall must have seen me checking Diamond out because he coughed loudly causing my attention to snap back to him. "You totally saw that didn't you?" I nervously looked down before hearing Kendall chuckle softly.

He placed his hand under my chin and raised my head until we were looking each other deep in the eyes. I got lost in his shimmering, green orbs and he leant down to kiss me. For a moment I forgot about everything, I forgot about Carlos, I forgot about this school, I forgot about James. I opened my eyes as he pulled away. Kendall smirked as he wrapped his arm around my waist, "Time for Calculus Ogie."

For the first time, I smiled at the nickname.

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><p>The rest of the day sailed by smoothly. People were definitely taking notice of me and my new crew. To anyone on the outside it might have looked like I had somehow made James and Kendall my bitches. Anyone who had witnessed our encounter the previous day probably just assumed we fucked last night, and that I was good at it. SO good in fact that it put the two by my side the whole day. They were able to stay pretty convincing, James was good at looking protective of me and Kendall was able to give the romantic flare we needed.<p>

When Carlos found out (as I was sure he would) I knew he'd be upset.

Wednesday. Day Two. Rumors, rumors.

The next morning wasn't accomplished so easy. Carlos **had** heard of my new thing with Kendall and James and he waited for me to pull up in the parking lot.

"Logan, what the fuck? Are you sleeping with Knight and Diamond? You hate those guys!"

I opened my mouth, about to tell Carlos the truth when I snapped it back shut. He hadn't learned anything yet, he was just upset that I was hanging with Kendall and James. I froze up, I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there like an idiot. I could tell he was waiting on a reply, but I didn't know what to say.

Luckily Kendall and James anticipated that Carlos would try to catch me off guard. Carlos began to look frightened and I knew they were walking towards us. I turned to see them coming and Kendall flashed me a big smile, I couldn't help but smile back. He looked kinda cute today, he had traded his usual bad boy clothes for something a bit softer. He almost looked...approachable.

"Is there a problem Garcia?" James smirked as he walked over to the much smaller boy. All Carlos could manage was a shake of the head before he tried to look away. James however had formed some kind of plan of his own, he grabbed Carlos's chin and made Carlos look at him while he continued to smirk. I looked up at Kendall and he was looking smug, like he knew what Diamond was up to. James looked Carlos up and down before bending over and whispering into the Latino boy's ear, "If you keep looking so delicious you won't have to worry about me pounding you into the pavement, but you'll have to worry about me pounding you in the ass."

At that, James walked back over to Kendall and I and grabbed put his arm around my waist, "Logan seems to enjoy it just fine. Don't you Logie?" I looked back and forth between the two, unsure of what to say as this was totally not a part of our formulated plan. Obviously we were winging it today, and I quickly figured out what to say to set Carlos right.

"I love being fucked senseless...Carlos you should know that about me." Carlos looked mortified at the thought of me being fucked by both Kendall and James. With that I winked at him and began walking away. Kendall and James were soon walking next to me again and Kendall bent down to whisper in my ear, "Damn Logan, I didn't expect you to...you know...have a witty comeback for that."

I looked up at him and smiled. James grunted something that sounded like he was agreeing with Kendall before looking at me too. "Yeah, nice job Mitch- I mean Logan. Carlos looked like he was about to shit himself and run to his mom."

"James I have to ask, why did you whisper that to Carlos in the first place? It wasn't in the original plan and it almost blew our cover."

James turned a deep shade of red and looked away. I didn't understand but I was distracted by Kendall putting his hand on my ass. I glared at him and he just looked down at me smirking, "Oh Ogie, we all know you like it." I rolled my eyes and continued walking down the hallways with my new friends. [Yes friends, they had gone above and beyond anyone else I knew would do to help me, and I believed they deserved that title.]

Thursday. Day Three. Lunchtime.

Thursday was going better than any of the previous days, the initial shock of me dating both Kendall and James had calmed down, and I think people were used to seeing the two next to me as we walked the hallways. At the moment I was holding James's hand as he escorted me to the lunchroom for our usual lunch.

We got our food and sat down at a table by ourselves. James seemed a bit distracted today and I wanted to know what was wrong. I looked up at James and reached for his hand across the table. He looked up at me and I gave him a reassuring smile. "James, what's wrong." As someone was walking by I managed to throw something else out just within their earshot, "Baby, you know we can talk about anything right?"

He glanced around to make sure no one was around to hear, "I'm not gay...right?" His eyes looked extremely vulnerable and I knew he was seriously asking me this.

"James, how would I know? That's something you have to kind of figure out for yourself. If you like girls you like girls, if you don't, you don't."

He sighed heavily before retreating his hand into his lap and our discussion was over. Something was bothering my brunette 'boyfriend' and I didn't like it.

Friday. Day Four. Fireworks.

"He's coming down the hallway Ogie, now would be our best time to do this."

"I-I still don't know about this Kendall, what if-?"

"Don't think, just do it." Kendall bent down and placed his lips on mine. WE had kissed plenty of time before and each time I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach, it wasn't a negative feeling it almost felt like butterflies, but it couldn't be. I didn't want Kendall, I didn't like Kendall, and everything we were doing was acting. Kendall didn't like me. We were just friends, two friends who kissed and grabbed each other's butts in the hallways between classes. He was just helping me make Carlos jealous. He began to move his lips against mine with a bit more passion, he pulled back barely whispering, "Logan at least try it." He dove back for my mouth and I felt his tongue at my lips, I swallowed and I opened my mouth to grant his tongue access. Our tongues collided and I forgot all my worries. We began to fight for dominance and I could feel Kendall smirking. I was sure he could hear the loud gasps coming from anyone who looked our way. I could feel the looks from everyone in the hall was sending my way but one stood out to me. I had to break the kiss to look up and right when I did the person I was looking for was right in my line of vision.

I smiled at him before turning back to Kendall, "I hate when you're right." I grabbed his hand and started to pull him towards the parking lot, school was over and Kendall was spending the night at my place so we could rethink our plans for the next week. James still looked distracted to me when we asked him if he wanted to join us, he looked up at Kendall and politely rejected, saying he had a family thing to take care of this weekend. I was nervous to be alone with Kendall since it had never happened before but also because I was confused about the way I felt about him.

Saturday. Complications.

This morning I prepared for Kendall by cleaning up the house and making sure our fridge was stocked with things I knew the taller boy enjoyed. My parents were out of town for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary and I was glad to have the house to myself. He arrived at noon and we began working on his next English assignment. I learned quickly that Kendall always knew where he wanted to go with his assignments but when it came to putting his idea on paper he struggled.

We worked together until five o'clock when I decided it was time for dinner. I walked downstairs to the kitchen and left Kendall to his writing. As I began to pull out the ingredients I would need I got lost in my thoughts of Kendall and Carlos. I as deeply confused and I didn't understand why. I loved Carlos, I knew I did. I couldn't imagine life without him, but there was just something about Kendall that made me want him. I shook the thought from my head and continued throwing the ingredients for spaghetti sauce in the saucepan. As I was stirring the noodles in their separate pot I felt a pair of strong arms reach around my waist.

I turned around to face Kendall and before I could say anything our lips were crashed together. We moved together in perfect harmony until his tongue began to beg for entrance into my mouth. I let him have it. He began to pull me towards my room and all I could manage was a "Ngh, food."

"Fuck it, you're all I need."

"Fire." I pulled away giving Kendall the best puppy dog face I could.

"Fine. Finish the food, but then I get to eat you first." Kendall winked at me and I turned back to face the stove. I didn't notice until I went to stir the sauce again but I was shaking from excitement, not to mention the boner I had acquired. I turned the food off and looked back at Kendall, "You're right, fuck the food."

Kendall smirked and picked me up bridal style and carried me up the steps to my room, he put me down as soon as we reached the door and he put me down. He kissed my lips forcefully and we barely made it to the bed, I slipped my own shirt over my head before yanking Kendall's off as well. He stopped kissing me and back away looking amused. I began to pout and all he could do was grin and say "Feisty Logan, me gusta." He dove back in and began to undo his shorts. They fell to the ground as he pulled my body into his. The sweat that had accumulated on his chest only made me want him more.

I struggled with the rest of my clothes, pulling them off as quickly as I could without breaking our heated kiss. "Kendall, I..."

"I won't go farther than you want me to Ogie. Tell me when to stop."

I nodded sharply. Kendall picked me up gently and laid me back on my bed. I felt Kendall shower my neck and stomach with kisses, sucking gently before moving to the next spot. I inhaled deeply as he got closer to the spot that so desperately needed attention. He took all of me in his mouth and the way his tongue felt on my dick almost made me explode. I cried out his name as he swirled his tongue around my head before diving back in for more. I didn't want it to be over just yet so I fought the feeling building up inside of me. I felt him reach his other hand to his own dick and I watched as he started to stroke himself. This only made me moan more and I reached for his hair. I gave a soft tug and was rewarded with a moan from the blonde. I tugged again, harder this time and Kendall moaned my name this time.

I was on the edge, I couldn't hold it in anymore, but when I felt Kendall take his mouth off of my dick I had to open my eyes to see what was happening, soon I felt his hand replace his mouth and I noticed why, he was close himself. I reached down to stroke him and I only got in a few pumps before he let go. I couldn't keep it in anymore; I shot my stickiness all over Kendall. He took a finger and wiped it down the trail of sweetness before placing it in his mouth. He then collapsed on the bed next to me and I looked over at him.

His eyes were closed and he looked truly beautiful.

Sunday. Interrupted Bliss.

When I woke the next day I could feel Kendall's chest rising and falling behind me. His arms were wrapped around my torso. For the first time in a long time, I felt...like someone loved me, and not just as a friend or companion, but in that cheesy romantic sort of way. I moved his arms gently and climbed out from the bed I took a shower and put on clean clothes before peeking back in on Kendall, he was still sound asleep and I smiled.

I began cleaning the kitchen, throwing out all the wasted food from last night before I began on breakfast. I was mixing the pancake batter when I heard my phone vibrate, I picked it up and read

_**To: Logan**_

_**From: James**_

_**I cnt nt tell u ths. Jst dnt tell K...I love him. Cn I come ovr l8r 2 tlk abt it?**_

Fuck.

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><p><strong>What did you think? I thought we needed a little bit of added drama, and this should definitely provide some added conflictions.<strong>


	7. Interrupted Bliss

**This one is really short, I just wanted to get Logan's big talk with James done before I went ahead with the events of the second week. So here it is, James's big scene with Logan. I hope you like it! ((:**

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><p>Week Two:<p>

Sunday. Interrupted Bliss. [continued]

I quickly ran up the steps and straight into my room, Kendall bolted up in the bed. "Ogie, what's wrong!" He started to stand up, and I inhaled deeply noticing how sexy he looked in the morning. His hair was a mess and he wasn't wearing any clothes, but he still managed to take my breath away. I thought of James and quickly remembered why I was up here.

"Kendall, you need to take a shower, eat breakfast quickly and then go." He looked confused and I knew I was going to have to give him more information, "...well James is coming over, and you know something has been bothering him. I think he might tell me. So I just want to spend some time with him." He didn't look like he was going to give in, so I walked over to him and put my arms around his waist, "Please?" I gave him my revamped puppy dog face and he sighed. I knew I had won.

"Fine. Do you have anything I can wear out of here?" He smirked at me as he walked to my bathroom.

"Kendall you're two sizes bigger than me in everything, nothing I have would fit." He began to pout as he shut the door. So I decided I would just wash his clothes while he got ready. "I'll just put your stuff in the washer." I grabbed all of Kendall's clothes making sure to empty the pockets on his jeans before placing the items in the washer. I went back to making breakfast and when it was done I went to go move Kendall's things over to the dryer. I turned to face a damp Kendall wrapped in my towel. It was going to be so hard to give him up because of James, but I didn't want to lose either of my new friends.

He scratched his head and looked at me, "Uh, what do you want me to wear until my clothes get done." I looked at him thinking before I got an idea. I gave him one of my jackets that was a bit too large for me and a pair of shorts I was supposed to grow into (but that never really happened). We sat down and ate in silence.

Finally, once the food was gone and Kendall had put on his freshly washed clothes, it was time for him to go. James would be here in an hour and I had to get ready for him. I kissed Kendall goodbye (perhaps the last kiss he would ever get from me, whether he knew it or not) and I shut my door. I let out a large breath and got going on cleaning the kitchen once more. I headed upstairs to make sure nothing looked too suspicious. I put new sheets on my bed and cleaned the bathroom up. Once I was pleased with my work I went downstairs to wait on James.

Ten minutes went by before I heard a soft knock on my door. I went over and sucked in a large breath before opening the door to greet James with a large smile. I ushered him in and we sat down on my couch. We both looked uncomfortable, although it was for different reasons. "James?" He looked up at me and for the first time I realized he had been crying. I reached onto the coffee table and pulled a tissue from the box before handing it to him. "How do you know?" I just wanted James to make sure he knew how he felt about Kendall before he told him.

He put on his thinking face and for a moment I didn't know if he really had an answer before he said, "He gives me that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach. Every time I see his smile my heart flutters. He's constantly on my mind when we're apart and when we're together I just want to hold him. We can talk about anything; he just knows exactly what to say to calm me down when I'm angry or how to build me up when I'm down. I feel like I owe it to him to protect him, more than I would protect myself. He's made me a better James," he chuckled at that thought before looking up at me again. "That's love isn't it; just knowing you can't be without someone, knowing they give you everything you could ever want?"

I'm pretty sure my mouth was on the ground, I hadn't anticipated James being so...infatuated with Kendall, I just thought he was going to waltz in here and give me some bullshit but he didn't. I could see the care he had for his friend in his eyes. I could see that he truly believed he couldn't go on without Kendall. However, I could also see the doubt in his eyes, he worried that Kendall didn't feel the same and I instantly felt guilty. I felt guilty that I had let my lust for Kendall go so far, ashamed that even though I felt the same for Carlos but I was too afraid to come right out and say it, and I felt like a terrible friend to everyone involved.

James stayed for a few hours, we laughed as we shared stories about Carlos and Kendall. We had traveled to the kitchen so I could make us both some much needed coffee. James was just getting finished telling me about when Kendall had tripped in the mall one day while they were in middle school and had accidently pulled down the skirt of the woman walking in front of them. We were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe when my parents walked in, they looked exhausted and all they could manage was a quick wave to me and James before heading up to their room.

At that James said it was time for him to go, as he headed to the door I stopped him and asked him a very serious question, "Do you want to keep doing this? The pretending I mean..." I looked off into space; the lamp by the door suddenly became very interesting. James just chuckled and said "Of course, I want you to get the love of your life back and hopefully after I get done helping you with Carlos you can help me with Kendall." I gave James a big smile and a hug before he left and I shut the door behind him.

Kendall would be lucky to have a boyfriend like James. He just hoped he could help Kendall forget about him and find love in his best friend.

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><p><strong>Whoop! Logan isn't going to be a manwhore...well <em>more<em> of a manwhore. At least not on purpose...**

**review please! ((:**


	8. Logan's Hell

Monday. Day Five. Man Up.

Carlos came up to me as I began walking to my fourth class, "Logan I did some thinking this weekend. I realized that I was a total dick to you," I stopped walking and he turned to look at me his eyes wide with shame, "I shouldn't have done that to you. It was terrible. I'm an awful friend can you forgive me?" I looked into his eyes, end everything in my body said he was telling the truth, I didn't want to forgive him just yet, he hadn't given me and explanation for why he did that to me, and I really needed to know why.

"Why Carlos, why'd you do it?" He looked down at the ground and shuffled his feet around nervously.

"I-I can't tell you Logan."

"Carlos I don't have time for this, I'm going to class. When you can explain, we'll talk." I walked away and I didn't turn back. All my emotions were caught in my throat and I tried so hard to swallow them. A tear fell from my eyes and I wiped it away quickly. I wanted to forgive Carlos, I really did but there was a time and place for that, and my gut was telling me this wasn't it.

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><p>After school Kendall came over to my house alone again because James had opted out once more (although I now knew why). We were in my room and I was helping him with his paper again. He sat at my desk while I was lying on my bed reading over James's work. "Ogie?" I glanced over James's paper to Kendall, "We-We haven't talked about what happened yet. Are we ever going to?" He looked like he was suffering from real emotional pain and I sighed.<p>

"What exactly do you want to talk about Kendall?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and sat up on my bed.

"Well I – I um might be falling for you since we...uh...you know, I thought you might've felt the same..." Kendall looked sweet right now but I just couldn't do that to James, not after all he had helped me through.

"Kendall, we-we can't be...more." I looked out my window, suddenly interesting in the trees outside, "There are some things you don't know about, plus I'm still in love with Carlos."

"I knew you would say something." He paused, uncertain of of the thing he was about to say,"..Ogie, is it James?" My focus snapped back to Kendall and I suddenly felt sick. _How did he know?_

"Wha-What would make you think this had anything to do with James?" Kendall looked at me with the most sincere expression and he released a breath he seemed to have been holding for a while.

"I've noticed the way he looks at me now...it's different. It's the same way you look at Carlos. Ogie I don't know what to do. My best friend loves me and I don't know how I feel about him. I know he talked about this with you the other morning, that's the only plausible thing that could have happened since I had to leave. I've never had to go anywhere when James talks to people about things. I know he talked about me...well the way he feels about me." Kendall looked like he was going to break down in tears at any moment and I did the only thing I knew how. I went over to him and gave him a hug, a big, best friend hug. In this moment I knew that was all we were ever going to be, and I was okay with that.

I leaned away from Kendall and gave him the best advice I could, "Kendall, don't let him get away. I let Carlos get away and look where we are now. Our friendship is a wreck. I miss him so much." I felt the tears coming back but I didn't let them fall, right now I had to be strong for Kendall (who thought I'd ever have to be strong for him), he needed to find the confidence to figure out his feelings for James.

"Why don't you tell him that? If I have to talk to James about us, why can't you man the fuck up and talk to Carlos?"

"It's not that simple..."

"Oh bullshit! Ogie one day you're going to have to grow up and say what you mean. None of us can read your mind."

With that Kendall turned back to my laptop and began typing again, I noticed he was basically smashing my keyboard in frustration with every letter. I walked back over to my bed and sat down gently, my head now buzzing with possibilities.

_Maybe I should just tell him tomorrow._

Tuesday. Day Six. Disappear.

I looked for Carlos all day, hoping we could talk but I couldn't find him anywhere. I eventually just got fed up with all my blind looking and I walked into one of his classes. I asked the teacher if he had shown up to class today and she told me that as far as she could tell he hadn't been in all day. She also told me not to worry, he was probably just sick.

That sickened me, what she didn't know was that Carlos never missed school. Ever. He prided himself on having perfect attendance and he wasn't going to ruin it his senior year. I bolted form her room desperate to find Kendall and James. They were by Kendall's locker and they were watching one of the nerdy freshman walk down the hallway laughing hysterically. They noticed me walking towards them and I gave them each a quick kiss since we were still pretending to date. "Carlos didn't show up for school today," they both gave me questioning looks and I realized they didn't know about Carlos's perfect attendance since preschool. "He never misses. He's been to school with the flu, pneumonia, and one time he even had this terrible stomach virus. He spent more time in the bathroom puking than in class, but he wasn't counted absent." Suddenly both their expressions changed and they realized why I was so panicked.

"You need to find him and talk to him. Wasn't your last conversation last week in the parking lot? Maybe he's having Ogie withdrawal or something."

"No Kendall, we talked yesterday," We all sat down in the hallway, our backs leaned up against the lockers and I filled them in on my run in with Carlos yesterday. When I finished James looked like he was going to explode from being so worried and he glanced back and forth between me and Kendall frantically, obviously waiting on his love to say something.

"Mitchell, you need to get off your ass and find him, now. He cares for you, I know he does. After yesterday he might have...given up hope." Kendall looked away and I knew what he meant but I couldn't take it seriously.

My happy, carefree, fun loving Carlos would never turn to self-harm, especially because something (like me) was bothering him. As the thought crossed my mind I instantly jumped up and ran to the parking lot. I needed to find Carlos and I needed to do it now.

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><p>I ran up to the porch I hadn't seen since the 'incident' and I decided 's permission to just walk in was now alright to use. I grabbed the spare key they kept under the flowerpot by the door and shoved it into the key hole. I opened the door and started screaming Carlos's name. I was out of breath as I checked every room on the first level. "Carlos! Carlos! Where are you?" I ran up the stairs and checked his room, his bed hadn't been made up and it looked like he had just thrown his things down on the floor.<p>

I ran into his bathroom and my body began to shake as I mumbled "No Carlos, no, no, no."


	9. Realizations

**Thanks everyone for the reviews 3, but,**

**umm, this chapter is kinda sad...so just be prepared.**

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><p>James's POV:<p>

As Logan ran away I suddenly realized this left me and Kendall alone. I turned to face him, his gaze was burning into me it was almost...passionate. That couldn't be, he-he didn't like me like that. I saw the way he looked at Logan, it was obvious how he felt about the other. My brow furrowed and I began to blush as I realized he was probably able to read every emotion on my face right now. I looked into his eyes again and I realized this was it, the time to just lay everything down and go for it. He either returned the gesture back or he didn't. I leaned forward and I kissed him quickly before pulling away and blushing deeply.

"James, look at me."

As I turned back towards Kendall I felt his lips on mine again and I relaxed into his touch. I instantly felt the fireworks I had been waiting so long for, and to think it was with him, the one I loved. All these years I knew there was something special about Kendall, something I didn't quite understand and it took Logan to pull it out of me. This time when we pulled apart from each other I didn't turn away but I looked Kendall in his eyes, and they told me everything I needed to know.

"I love you Kendall." I said truthfully as I raised my hand up to stroke his hair from his face.

"I know James, I've always known."

With that we decided going back to class and separating right now, was not an option. Kendall stood up before pulling me to my feet and we walked hand in hand to the parking lot, we weren't just going to find Logan and Carlos, we were going to find them together.

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><p>Logan's POV:<p>

I ran straight to Carlos who was up against the tub laying down and bleeding tremendously. "Carlos what did you do?" I began my search from his head, making sure this wasn't an accident, making sure he didn't fall. I checked everywhere but the place I knew I should check. Finally I sucked in a breath as I checked his arms and I instantly began crying, there were cuts. There were lots of cuts. I could tell some were older than the others and I could see the ones that were fresh, the ones from today.

I checked his pulse and I let out a sigh of relief when I noticed his heart was still beating. I picked up the unconscious boy and lugged him down the steps, talking to him the whole way, hoping he would be alright. I drove like a madman to the hospital, not caring if I ran into a cop. I had to get him there before it was too late. I glanced in the rearview mirror as I drove. I could see he was still out of it, and he was still bleeding but other than that he looked okay. "Please pull through this, I-I love you buddy. I never stopped loving you."

I whipped my car into the parking lot, throwing it into the first spot I found. I grabbed Carlos out of my back seat, trying to be as gentle as I could. I took him into the emergency room and I began screaming at the woman sitting at the desk, "Please help! My-my friend, he's hurt. He's been cutting, I didn't know. Please, please, just help me." She gave me a sympathetic look as she called for help from the doctors around us, they took Carlos from me and told me that if I wanted to wait I would have to stay in the waiting area.

They'd give me more information as they found things out. I sat down with a million thoughts running through my mind, the biggest was _Why?_ _Why would Carlos put himself in danger like that._ I sat for hours and the woman at the desk kept sending me her sympathetic looks. _Why couldn't she just mind her own business? She didn't even understand why I was so upset, the person I love was unconscious. I hadn't told him how I felt, he needed me and I let him down._ _Once again something was all my fault. My mom left my dad because she hadn't been ready to settle down and be happy with family life. I was too much for her so she left. I ruined my family and now I ruined my only chance at real love._

"I can see you love him." My head snapped up towards the woman, she was walking towards me now with a box of tissues, I hadn't even realized I was crying, well weeping over Carlos. "I know he isn't just a friend to you, I see this every day. Someone comes in here with the love of their life in their hands." She sat down in the chair next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. This only made me cry more, this woman was being more of a mother to me than my own mother ever did. She pulled me into her for a hug and she held me, I felt her warmth radiating off of her. She was a genuine person, I could feel it. Everything she said was true. "He'll be okay, I've seen worse than him come in here and in a few weeks walk out like nothing happened. You'll get to tell him how you feel honey." With that she let me go and went back over to her desk. I instantly felt bad, she was really concerned about how I felt.

My phone vibrated half an hour later and I could see it was Kendall calling, I picked up the phone my voice shaking "Where are you? We went by Carlos's and there was blood all over his bathroom floor, James and I found a note addressed to you in his bathroom. It's kind of urgent."

"I'm at the hospital with Carlos." I filled Kendall in on everything that had happened so far and he hung up promising he and James were on their way.

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><p>It was only a few minutes later before Kendall and James were by my side. Both had puffy eyes and I knew they had been crying. Kendall handed me a piece of paper with shaking hands, "He-he did this on purpose Logan."<p>

_**Logan, I'm sorry, I's so, so sorry. I messed everything up. A year ago when I should have loved you I left you. It hurt me but it hurt you more. I saw it every day in your face. Now you're happy with Diamond and Knight, I can't make you happy anymore. I can't make anyone happy anymore. I love you more than you will ever know, I'd tell you this myself, but you'd probably just blow me off again. I can't look at you with them anymore. It pains me too much. All the emotions I thought were gone have come flooding back. I know you don't want me, I don't want myself. This is goodbye. I'll love you forever, Carlos.**_

The tears fell down my cheeks as I read the letter, they felt like fire as they ran down my face. As I read the last word, I broke down. He still loved me after all I put him through, all this bullshit. I wasn't sure who I was anymore, I had grown up my whole life always being myself and look where I was now. In the hospital because the one time I tried to be someone else my best friend got hurt. I looked up at Kendall and James and they were hugging each other and holding hands. Kendall was whispering in James's ear, obviously comforting him. They had found a love in each other I already had with Carlos.

Then it hit me, I may never get to hold Carlos like Kendall will hold James. I may never get to kiss the top of his head while he giggles softly into my chest again. I'll never get to feel him squeeze my hand as I get ready to face some important road block in my life. I'll never get to feel his warm lips against mine. I'll never get to make love to him again, never get to confess my secrets. We may never have the chance to lay out in my backyard under the stars as we talk about anything that comes to mine. Most importantly, he may never know how much I love him. I may never get to say those three words to my best friend, my lover, my life again.

With that realization I heard my name being called, "?" I stood up to face the doctor and instantaneously Kendall and James were gripping my hands, giving me support. "I have some news for you."

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><p><strong>I cried writing this last bit, I feel kinda bad for Logan D: [but whoooo for Kames finally coming together!]<strong>

**So um, just tell me what you think.**


	10. Awake

**Welp here's the next chapter in our Cargan adventure, enjoy!((:**

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><p>The doctor was good at masking his emotions because right now I couldn't tell if the news would be good or bad. "Your friend, , will be okay. The cuts were pretty serious though, he was lucky you got there in time to help him." I let out the breath I had been holding in and I instantly felt much better, Carlos was going to be alright.<p>

"Is he awake yet?" I wanted to see Carlos as soon as possible. Today made me realize there might not be another time to tell Carlos how I felt.

"Well no he isn't, but you can go in his room if you'd like. It's the fifth door on your right." The doctor turned to Kendall and James before adding, "You two are welcome to go visit your friend as well. Just please keep the noise down. Also notify one of the nurses if wakes up while you're in the room." We all nodded our heads and the doctor walked towards the nurse at the desk, she was giving me a weak smile and I returned it warmly.

We walked towards Carlos's room and shut the door behind us quietly. It hurt to see Carlos lying on the hospital bed hooked up to all the machines, but I knew it would hurt worse to see him lying inside a coffin. I dragged the only chair in the room next to him and took his hand, "Hey buddy, I know you can't hear me but it's Logan."

James and Kendall chuckled softly and I turned to face them, "What?"

"Of all the people he knows, I think he would know it was you even while he's unconscious."

James offered me a smile and I turned back to Carlos and leaned towards his ear whispering, "They're just jealous we know each other so well." We sat in the room for an hour before Kendall and James decided they were going to grab something to eat. They invited me but I declined politely, they needed time to be together and I wanted time with Carlos alone.

It pained me to see him so still and then I got an idea. Carlos likes jokes, especially the really cheesy kind. _Maybe that will help him wake up._ So I took a moment to think and I started to spill out every bad joke Carlos had told me over the years.

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine. Ummm...What's brown and sticky? A stick. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer."

Then I used his favorite, he only used it whenever someone mentioned how much he ate (because let's face it, Carlos could eat for days and never be full, he was a black hole for food). "You my friend are a light eater, as soon as there's light outside you start to eat." I chuckled at that before watching Carlos again, He still wasn't moving, not even a little bit. I was worried. If his favorites joke couldn't get him moving I didn't think anything I did would be able to.

I laid my head down on his bed as I still held his hand. I began to cry softly. I couldn't fix this. I fell asleep thinking this my be the last time I ever got to hold my best friend's hand.

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><p>"<em>Lo-gan." <em>

_I woke up, thinking I was hearing things, things that sounded like Carlos, "Carlos?"_

"_Logan why are you here?" Carlos didn't look at me, he just stard down the wall across from his bed._

"_What are you talking about Carlos? I'm the one that brought you here, I-I foun-"_

"_Why? Why would you do that when you obviously like Diamond and Knight better than me? We haven't had a positive conversation in weeks, I know I deserved you to be a little upset with me but you blew me off Logan, more than once."_

_I could hear the pain behind his harsh words, I knew I had done wrong but he had too. "Carlos we're both stupid. Everything that's happened between us can't be put on one of us, it was always both of us. You started it with asking me on a date and then not showing up and I-I continued it by pretending to date Kendall and James to get you back." _

_Carlos's eyes began to bug out of his head, he finally faced me, "You mean you were never really dating them? You just wanted to make me jealous?"_

"_Carlos, what you did hurt, it hurt worse than anything anyone has ever done to me. You're the one person who knows everything about me, you know more about me than I know about myself sometimes...I just, I just didn't like how you played me."_

"_Logan, I'm sorry. I've already told you I was sorry. I meant it." Carlos gave me a weak smile and I realized I was still holding his hand. I quickly let go as I grinned his way. "No Logan, it's okay, I want you to hold my hand."_

_I returned my hand to its rightful spot and we just stayed like that. It was perfect, all was forgiven. I was forgiven._

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><p>"Logan, wake up."<p>

"Ogie wake up man, time for us to go home."

"Wha-what?" I awoke to Kendall shaking me and James in my ear.

"It's time to go visiting hours are over and Carlos still isn't awake." I glanced over towards my tan friend and I realized Kendall was right. Everything wasn't perfect yet, it had all been a dream, Carlos and I hadn't apologized to each other, we hadn't made up, nothing had changed.

I sulked out of the hospital and the entire drive home. When I got there I ran straight into my mom, "Honey, what's wrong?" I told her all about Carlos and even about the dream I had. She sat me down on the couch and pulled me into a hug. "Baby, he'll be okay. You'll be okay. The both of you will fix this and it will be all better. Stop worrying." I wiped away my tears and told her goodnight. I fell asleep wondering how everything would go.

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><p>Wednesday.<p>

I skipped school and went straight to the hospital, I couldn't miss Carlos waking up, the conversation we needed to have was too important. His mom was there checking up on him and gave me a quick hug before heading out to work. She trusted I would look after her son the best I could, even after all the things she knew had gone on between us and I silently thanked her for that. I pulled the chair back up to Carlos's bed and grabbed his hand once more.

Today instead of jokes I told Carlos stories about us through the years. I told him about the time when we were kids when he got his head stuck between the fence posts and his dad had to come saw him out. I told him about the day he helped me get over my fear of heights by accidently pushing me off the top of the jungle gym. I told him about the day that Kendall ran me over with his GI Joe Jeep when we were four. I even told him stories from when we dated. How closely he held onto me when we were in line for one of the new rollercoasters at the amusement park. I told him about the time we got kicked out of the ice cream shop because we tried to sample all the flavors of ice cream when no one was looking.

I told him the story of our first kiss. I mentioned how magical it was for me. I talked how I never wanted the moment to end. I told him about the time he first grabbed my hand and held it, how surprised I was that he honestly didn't care what everyone else thought of us. I smiled at that memory, I could see the shocked faces in the halls like it just happened yesterday.

"Whe-where am I?"

I shook my head instantly looking at Carlos.

"Hey Carlos, you're in the hospital. I...um...found you in your bathroom yesterday..." I looked away, not wantint to meet his eyes, not believeing this was happening.

"Logan, why did _you_ find me in my bathroom? Why are you here? I thought we weren't speaking? " Carlos actually squeezed my hand, causing me to look back at him.

"I came to apologize to you and I found you unconscious. I rushed you here, you scared me man."

He let go of my hand and looked away, "Logan you don't care about me."

"Carlos, I-"

"Logan please go." I saw a tear run down his cheek and I went to wipe it away. "Don't, just go. Please." The look on his face was something I never wanted to see again. Carlos, who was always smiling and always a bucket of cheer was frowning deeply. His brow was furrowed and I could tell he was trying to keep his tears in his eyes, he didn't want me to see him cry. He looked like he was holding his breath and I knew this conversation was over.

"I'm sorry Carlos, I really am." With that I got up and walked towards the door. I texted Kendall telling him not to come to the hospital, that Carlos was awake and fine but I was going home. On my way out I stopped at the front desk to talk to the woman who had helped me yesterday, "He's awake, but he won't talk to me."

She looked up at me sympathetically, "Don't worry hun, he'll come around."

With that I left the hospital and my dream of being back with Carlos was over. I had run out of hope.

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><p>Review? ((: Thanks!<p> 


	11. Forgiven

**Whoop! Another update((: The moment everyone has been patiently waiting foooooor ^_^**

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><p>Thursday.<p>

I didn't go to school again. My mom knew I was down after talking with Carlos and she told me I could stay home. I felt bad since she stayed home from work just to watch over me but at the same time I was grateful. I hadn't physically seen Kendall and James since Tuesday but both of them made sure to text me often. Kendall even came by yesterday while I was still at the hospital to drop off out English work. Even if Carlos didn't want to talk to me, I was glad to know there were two people who still cared about me.

I heard soft knock at my door and I knew it was my mom, "Come on in mom."

"Hey sweetie," she walked over to my bed and handed me a carton of vanilla ice cream. She always knew exactly what I needed to feel better.

"Thanks." A smile crept up on my face as I opened the carton excited for the wondrous taste of vanilla.

"Logan, honey...Carlos's mom just called." I put my spoon down and looked up at her with big eyes. "He feels terrible for yesterday..."

"Mom, he told me to leave."

"Even you said he was choking on those words honey."

A lump formed in my throat, "I-I don't know what to do mom."

"Go see him again, take him something. Let him know you're completely serious about being sorry." I looked down at my bed, it was covered in various food wrappers and empty DVD cases then I looked over myself, I looked a mess. My mom must have been reading my mind because then she said, "You can always shower you know."

With that I sent her another smile and climbed out of bed. My legs felt kind of awkward since they hadn't been used all day and I made my way to my bathroom, my hope was back and I was ready to face Carlos. This time I wouldn't give up so easy.

I showered for a long time, making sure to get every inch of myself clean. I wanted to smell nice today, in case lots of hugs were involved. Then I looked over in the corner where I had thrown the last outfit I had worn to meet Carlos. It wasn't just thrown in the corner but my mom had washed it and it was folded neatly. I smiled as I reached for the gray v-neck and skinny jeans. I put on my gray vans and grabbed my favorite pair of sunglasses; today I was going to be myself. Just with a bit of added flare. Maybe it would stun Carlos into realizing he still loved me the way I loved him. I chortled at that thought and grabbed my keys. When I passed my mom on my way out she gave me a huge smile and waved bye. I could tell by the look in her eyes she had a good feeling about today and I did too.

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><p>I arrived at the hospital and I walked in smiling holding a Sam's Club[1] size bag of Carlos's favorite candy, Warheads. The woman was at the desk again and she was smiling at me, before I walked to Carlos's room I gave her a quick "Thank you." When I reached the door I breathed in heavily before reaching for the knob. I cracked the door a little bit to hear Carlos arguing with his mom. I was going to shut the door and wait a few minutes before going in but I heard my name so I decided to listen,<p>

"Carlos honey talk to him! He loves you and you love him, why are you being so mean? His mom told me he stayed home from school today he was so upset over yesterday! The boy is sitting in his bed shoveling junk food in his mouth because of you!"

"Mom I don't want to talk about it! I know I love him...I just...I messed things up. I broke up with him and then I played with him. I deserved everything I got when he decided to turn the tables and look where I am? Look at me! I'm a mess he'll never want me like this!" I could hear that both were crying and obviously upset. They weren't angry with each other, they just didn't know what to think right now.

I decided now would be a good time to walk in, "Carlos, I'll want you no matter what." I used a hushed tone, much different than the screaming that had been going on previously.

Both looked at me quickly, his mom got up to leave and as she walked by me she whispered, "Thank you." She shut the door behind her and all that was left was me and a stunned Carlos.

"Logan I told you to leave." Carlos looked away, facing the oh so familiar wall across from him.

"We both know you didn't mean it Carlos." I stepped towards him and he shot me a menacing look making me back up again. "I brought you some Warheads. I thought they'd make you feel better."

At the mention of his favorite candy Carlos gave me an apologetic look and I approached his bedside. I gave him the candy and when I turned to go back to my original standing place I felt him grab my hand. I looked back at him and he was looking at me with his eyes wide with sadness, fear, and doubt. "You're right, I didn't mean it." He sucked in a mouthful of air before continuing, "Logan, it's about time I tell you what happened a year ago." I grabbed the chair and pulled it up to his bed before taking his hand again and staring deep into his eyes. I squeezed his hand for support and he began, "It happened right after we celebrated our 6 month anniversary,"

_Carlos's flashback:_

_Carlos was walking down a street, it was night time. He had just left Logan's and he was elated. He put his hood on as he walked because it was kind of chilly out and to be honest the dark creeped him out a little. Right when he reached the spot where his car was he was startled by something. Something or someone had just run in front of him and he backed up a little. Only to back into someone that was much bigger than him. _

"_What are you doing out so late at night? Someone as small as you shouldn't be on the streets by themselves."The voice had menace in its voice and this caused Carlos to tremble. _

"_I'm-I'm just leaving a friend's. I'm on my way to my car. It's just right there."_

"_A friend's huh? I can tell you're lying. You just left your boyfriend's house didn't you?" Carlos didn't answer and the stranger grabbed his arm and began to push the small Latino boy towards his car. "Get in the backseat." Carlos didn't know what to do; he was trapped between his thoughts. A part of him wanted to run back to Logan's but he didn't want to put him in any danger, the other part was telling him to do as the voice said. He thought it would just be easier if he did what he was told. So Carlos listened. He climbed into the backseat and soon he felt the heat from the man on his back. _

"_This should feel good to you, since you're in to this sort of thing."_

_Carlos felt his pants begin ripped from his body and he began to beg, "Please don't. I'm too young."Carlos began crying uncontrollably as his shaking body grew worse. _

"_Shut up and stop crying. I can make this worse for you." Carlos stopped himself from crying, a lump in his throat formed as the man forced himself into Carlos. He let out a soft whimper as he heard the man's grunts come from behind him. After what felt like hours the man was done, he got off of Carlos and pulled his own pants back up. Before he left he spat on Carlos and said, "I would suggest you not tell anyone about this, especially your fag boyfriend."Carlos laid in the backseat for another half an hour, the spot where the man had spit on him felt like it was on fire. Finally, he pulled up his boxers and jeans. He got in the front seat and locked the doors, the hot tears still running down his face. _

_By the time he got home both his parents were asleep and he crept up to his bathroom. Silently weeping he tore his clothes off from his body and threw them into the trashcan before running a bath for himself. He sat in the tub for over an hour, scrubbing his skin roughly. He didn't stop until his skin was red from all the irritation he was causes by rubbing to hard. He drained the water and started a shower. Carlos needed to do everything he could to feel clean again. He wanted all the dirtiness he felt to run off of his body and into the sewers. _

_Once he shut off the water he pulled out new clothes and got into bed. He felt scared, like the guy would come out of the dark at any moment so he got up and grabbed the sweatshirt he kept that belonged to Logan and put it on. He inhaled Logan's scent and turned on his lamp, he couldn't sleep in the dark tonight. He laid in bed thinking for hours, wondering how his boyfriend would feel about this encounter. He came to the realization that Logan deserved more than him. He was used up now, someone else had gotten him, he wasn't precious or innocent. He didn't want to break Logan's heart (or his own for that matter) but it was the only solution he came to. _

_It was at that moment he knew he had to end his relationship with Logan. Logan deserved more than him. Someone who hadn't gotten raped in the back of their own car by a stranger they never saw. Carlos let his tears fall freely as he drifted off to sleep, terrified of what the morning would bring._

When Carlos stopped all I could do was look at him, my mouth was wide open I couldn't believe e had held this in for so long. I couldn't believe it. The boy I loved had been raped and I hadn't known this at all. He had been giving me fake smiles for over a year, he was hurt. "I'll understand if you don't want me anymore Logan." Carlos looked away from me and dropped my hand.

I instantly stood up and leaned over to Carlos. "Carlos, when I told you I'd want you no matter what I meant it." I placed my lips on his, the kiss was long and passionate, something neither of us was used to anymore. Without breaking the kiss I wiped Carlos's tear-stained cheeks. When I pulled back he still looked upset, "I love you. You're my life Carlos."

"Thank you for always being there for me even when I don't deserve it." Carlos whispered softly and I brought him close for a hug. I sat back down in the chair and huffed loudly. Carlos looked at me, the confusion written across his face.

"I bet you're wondering about Kendall and James..." I used my other hand to tussle my hair uncomfortably.

Carlos instantly tensed up and he began to grip my hand much harder, "What was that with them Logan? I really thought you hated them."

I began my story, telling Carlos of the scheming I had done behind his back. It felt good for him to finally know the truth. When I was done telling him all that happened he smiled at me, "You were trying to make me jealous eh?"

I smiled and nodded before gripping hand a bit more and looking up at him seriously, "Carlos?"

"Yeah Logan?"

"Will you umm get back together with me?" I looked into his eyes, searching for the answer I so desperately needed to hear.

A smile crept up on his lips and he nodded vigorously before shouting, "Yes!"

I was left beaming and I kissed him again. Just then the doctor came in with excellent news. "You'll be going home tomorrow. Please try not to end up back in here with the same...injuries. Remember you always have people you can trust and talk to."

Carlos smiled towards the doctor and squeezed my hand again, "I don't think I'll be back here for a while."

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><p><strong>[1] I have no idea if everyone knows what a Sam's Club is so I'll just describe one. It's like a grocery store on serious steroids; everything comes in sizes meant for a bagillion people. XD It's ridiculous, but it works nicely for large families.<strong>

**Welp there it is! Our little Cargan is back together**

**review?((:**


	12. Hero

**Sorry for the delay, I wasn't really sure where I wanted to take the story next but I've gotten it all figured out! ((:**

**[Thanks again for all the reviews! I really like reading them! ^_^]**

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><p>Friday.<p>

James's POV:

I woke up and felt familiar warmth on my neck, I turned my head and looked over my shoulder and looked at Kendall. His eyes were still closed and his breathing was slow. He looked even more beautiful in the morning light. His hair looked even more golden as the rays from the sun came in through my window. Even his lips were stuck out in a pout and I couldn't resist the urge to turn around and get a better view of him. His cheeks were flushed and I noticed the slight stubble on his chin. I reached my hand up and ran my hand over the prickly hairs. I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. When I pulled away he opened his eyes slowly and looked at me inquisitively.

"Morning James." I felt the heat from his gaze on me as I looked away, focusing on his bare chest.

"Morning Kendall." I ran my hand down his torso, "Carlos left the hospital yesterday, maybe we should go see how he and Logan are doing." I unwillingly took my eyes off of Kendall's shapely abs and glanced up at his face.

He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead, of course we can go see them. He looked around quickly and added, "but we'd have to get out of bed first."

I buried my head into his chest, "I don't want to do that just yet, it's warm under the sheets and as soon as I get up it'll be cold." Kendall laughed lightly before wrapping his arm around me, "We'll wait here until you're prepared to face the cold. I don't mind waiting, gives me more time to admire what you look like in the morning." My face went hot and I could feel the blush creeping back up my cheeks as I leaned my head onto Kendall's chest and exhaled.

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><p>Logan's POV:<p>

Carlos and I held hands as we impatiently waited for the hospital to release him. Carlos was sitting up, his legs over the edge of his bed, he was more than ready to go and I could tell he was starting to feel a bit cooped up in the small room. However we told jokes back and forth and it was nice to hear his laugh again, it was just nice to have my Carlos back again. _My Carlos._ I smiled and brought my baby in for a hug. We both squeezed the other tightly before pulling away and I gave Carlos a huge grin. When he returned my facial expression my heart couldn't help the way it started to pump ferociously. I think he noticed this because he started laughing at me.

Just then the doctor came in and smiled at the both of us. "Glad to see you both looking much happier. Carlos we just finished all the paper work and you're good to go. Oh and ..."

"Mitchell" I was smiling like an idiot right now and I glanced over at Carlos who was watching the doctor with bright eyes.

"Yes , Nurse Pam wants to speak to you before you go. She's the woman at the front desk you've talked with. Have a good day boys." With that the doctor walked out of the room and Carlos was giving me a questioning look.

"Nurse Pam?"

"She's the woman that sits at the desk when you first come into the ER. While I was waiting to hear about your condition she calmed me down. She's also the reason why they let me stay last night. She's done a lot for me...well us, while you were here."

Carlos let out an "Ohhhh" before hopping off the bed and grabbing his bag of clothes. "Well Logan, it's time for us to go. Together."

When we reached the front desk, Carlos stepped away to sit in one of the chairs while I spoke to the nurse. "Thanks for everything. I know I was probably a mess. You really helped though, thank you again. It means a lot to the both of us." I glanced over at Carlos as Nurse Pam stood and walked around the desk to pull me into a hug.

"Honey it was nothing. I just wanted to let you know that no matter what the two of you go through, push through it. It may be hard...well honey it _will_ be hard, but I know from experience it will be worth it. My husband and I went through something similar many years ago, he saved my life, just like you saved your friends. Take care of each other, respect each other, never forget the love you have for one another." She looked over at Carlos and sent him a big grin, "He's lucky to have you."

I chuckled, "Honestly, I'm probably luckier to have him." With that we said our goodbyes and shared one more hug before I walked over to Carlos, "Let's go home Carlos."

He grabbed my hand and led me out of the hospital to my car. I couldn't help but feel déjà vu. We had done this just a few weeks ago when Carlos was pulling me to our cars after school. The day that all of this really began.

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><p>We reached Carlos's house in a timely manner and I helped his carry his things back into his house. As soon as we set foot in the door his mom was all over him, hugging him and kissing his forehead telling him she was glad to have her "Hijo" back. She pulled away and held him at arms length, looking over his face and they were both smiling so hard it looked like their faces might break. I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks and I saw a mother's love pouring from her soul, it reminded me a lot of my own mother. I made a mental note to call her in a few before focusing on the family moment going on in front of me again.<p>

I let out a small cough and she turned my way noticing me for the first time. Her focus instantly changed to me and soon she was on me kissing my forehead and thanking me for saving her baby. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled and hugged her back.

Once she let me go she left me and Carlos to ourselves. He grabbed my hand and tugged me up the steps to his room. I hadn't been in his house at all since the incident and I could tell it was hard on the both of us. Carlos looked around at his messy room and instantly went to work, he began picking his things up off the floor and I went straight to his bed. I began to fix the left side, intending to just walk around the bed and do the right side when I was finished. However, before I was done Carlos was on the right side fixing the comforter and sheets.

He was frowning; obviously displeased with how he had left the room and I could tell he was a bit embarrassed by it. "You know I've seen your room a mess before, no need to look so upset about the state of cleanliness it's in right now."

"I know, I know. It isn't that it's a mess really...it's more of _why_ it's a mess." Carlos looked up at me, his iris's shaking with emotion. His face suddenly turned red and he looked like he was tearing up, I walked around the bed and pulled him into a tight embrace, "What if I can't stop Logan? What if what happened Tuesday is just the beginning?" Carlos hugged me tighter, "Logan I'm scared."

I placed a gentle kiss down on the small boy's head as my own tears began to fall. "Carlos, I'll protect you. I won't let it happen, I'll always keep you happy. You'll never have to go back to...that."

We stayed like that for a few minutes before Carlos pulled away wiping his eyes. "Thank you Logan."

"I love you Carlos, please don't forget that. Even when we fight, don't forget that."

Carlos walked over to his iPod before returning to cleaning his room again. As I was picking up his backpack I looked up at him and just then the song changed.

_Would you dance if I asked you to dance?__  
><em>_Would you run and never look back__  
><em>_Would you cry if you saw me crying__  
><em>_Would you save my soul tonight?_

Carlos stopped moving and I could see the song was hitting him pretty hard. I put the backpack down in its usual spot and I began to sing the next verse.

_Would you tremble if I touched your lips?__  
><em>_Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this__.__  
><em>_Now would you die for the one you love?__  
><em>_Hold me in your arms tonight?_

I felt him looking at me again but I just moved to another part of his room, I began picking clothes up off the floor. As I began to fold the shirts I kept singing.

_I can be you hero baby.__  
><em>_I can kiss away the pain.__  
><em>_I will stand by you forever__.__  
><em>_You can take my breath away__._

Just when I thought Carlos might physically choke me for singing this song, something I knew he probably wanted to skip over I heard him start singing along. Granted he wasn't singing very loud, it was almost a whisper. At that moment I knew this was right, we were right, and I knew that was all that really mattered.

We both kept singing until the song was over, never really acknowledging the other physically but the entire atmosphere had changed. When we both sang the last line (_I can be your hero_) I felt his arms around my waist and his face buried in my back. I didn't know what to do so I stood still, waiting for him to make the next move, I heard a faint, "I love you too Logan, I love you too."

Someone knocked on Carlos's bedroom door and he pulled away from me. "Come in," his voice cracked as her said it and I knew he was trying hard to let whoever it was know he was still upset.

James and Kendall walked in holding hands, Kendall was smiling at me and James was looking over at Carlos, concern stretched across his face. "Hey guys," I tried to break the awkward silence and Carlos sent me a 'why are they here?' glance before plastering a fake smile on his face. I had forgotten that Carlos hadn't made friends with James and Kendall yet. Suddenly I felt the cloud of awkward drifting around in the room. "You guys want to sit down; Carlos and I were just getting resettled."

Kendall took a seat in the chair at Carlos's desk while James sat on the floor in front of him. I sent Carlos a 'please cooperate' look before sitting myself across from James. I could see Kendall watching Carlos, unsure of what my Latino love would do next.

Surprisingly he sat down next to me and grabbed my hand, it was almost possessively. I looked at him cautiously but at this moment he wasn't looking at me...avoiding my gaze really.

This was going to be fun.

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><p><strong>Review? ((: <strong>


	13. Secrets and Lies

**So this is SUUUUPER short and I apologize, but I'm leaving for a couple of days and I know I won't be able to update again until I get back. Just think of this as the calm before the storm, because the next chapter will be filled with drama!**

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><p>Friday.<p>

Logan's POV:

Carlos was glaring at James, probably thinking of their last big encounter in the parking lot. He gripped my hand tightly and I started to feel my fingers tingle. I tried to give him a look to tell him he was hurting me, but since he wasn't even looking at me from the corner of his eye I gave up. I looked sympathetically first at James then Kendall. I noticed Kendall was looking down at James, and he seemed concerned for him. He probably noticed the looks Carlos was sending him and I couldn't help but feel guilty. James was still watching Carlos, but now he looked both concerned and confused, he probably didn't understand why Carlos was still so upset at him. James was someone who thought everything would just be alright after all the secrets were let out...it wasn't like that.

What felt like hours went by and I finally spoke up, glancing up at Kendall so he would give me some help. "So guys...what...um...brings you here."

"Well." Kendall put a hand on James's shoulder, "James here wanted to see how Carlos was doing." He looked over at Carlos,, who was now staring at the ground. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but Kendall continued, "Carlos I know after all me and James put you and Logan through over the years has been...difficult," Carlos gave a quick snort but Kendall ignored it and went on, "but we really are sorry. I know Logan told you about what happened, why we treated you like that these past few months." Kendall looked towards the window, I knew he wasn't good at apologies and I was happy he was trying to be nice right now.

"Carlos," James spoke up, his voice was trembling. As Kendall's gaze snapped back to him we all noticed the tears running down his cheeks. "I'm-I'm so sorry. I just-I wanted to help Logan, and the way he described what happened you sounded like the biggest prude. That last time we talked in the parking lot I had built up a lot of anger towards you. Before this happened, I didn't have a reason to dislike you...I just did, but once Logan came to me and Kendall it gave me a reason. It added fuel to an already fiery hot opinion of mine. This isn't me giving an excuse because I know I was wrong. I just want you to forgive me...us." When he choked out the last word James looked up at Kendall and gave him a reassuring smile. He looked back down on the small Latino boy in front of him and waited.

We all waited.

It was my turn to squeeze Carlos's hand, so I did. He looked over at me and he looked sorry. It was all the apology I needed but we both knew he still needed to talk to Kendall and James, especially James. "James...Kendall, I'm sorry too. I was a complete and total dick to Logan and he didn't deserve it. I just...can't be close to people for reasons he and I addressed yesterday. I have a hard time trusting people. I should know better though...any person Logan puts his trust in to must be a pretty trustworthy person. I trust him so much. I know he'd never hurt me. To this day I can't think of him hooking up with anyone other than me." Carlos turned a deep shade of red and I knew he felt like he said too much. However, my attention wasn't on that I instantly looked up at Kendall and shot him a scared look, he returned my look and my heart began to race. I needed to tell Carlos about Kendall, and by how out of the loop James looked I knew Kendall needed to tell him as well. Carlos squeezed my hand and looked up at me, "Are you okay Logan, your hand just got sweaty and your face is all red...if I said too mu-"

"No, no. That's not why. I just um need to go to the bathroom for a second." Now Carlos looked concerned. I never was good at lying, especially to Carlos. I ran into the bathroom and shut the door quickly. I slid down to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. I was shaking a bit now and I felt the tears swell up in my eyes. I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want to hurt him, I had just promised him he would never hurt again and here I was with something that might traumatize him.

"Logan?" It was Kendall. Things couldn't get any worse. "I left Carlos with James, I think me and you need to talk..."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading this and sticking it out with me! <strong>


	14. Confused and Corrupted

**Here's the new chapter. I worked super hard on this one so I hope you enjoy it! **

**and fr everyone who asked I had a good trip, but it's good to be home!**

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><p>Logan's POV:<p>

Friday.

I slowly moved up off the floor and unlocked the bathroom door. When Kendall heard it unlock he walked in and shut the door gently behind him. We stood there, in Carlos's small bathroom, chest to chest. The air suddenly turned thick and my heartbeat picked up again. I didn't want to have this conversation I didn't want to acknowledge what we had done, even if we hadn't gone all the way Carlos would still be crushed by what happened. I didn't want to hurt him; I knew Kendall didn't want to hurt James. We were both protective of our boys and telling them was just going to be hard.

After a long and awkward pause Kendall spoke up. "Logan we can't ignore it." Kendall avoided my gaze and focused on a rack of towels hanging on the wall to his left. Unknowingly, he spoke daggers into my heart. I didn't want to ignore it totally...I just didn't want to acknowledge around Carlos. I had waited weeks for him to trust me again, for him to realize he loved me again, and here I was now. I had broken that trust and he didn't even know it yet. "Logan?"

I looked up at Kendall and his green eyes were full of guilt, he knew he had been the one to pressure me that night. However, I fully understood that it took two to tango. I was at as much fault as he. We did this together. Not just one of us could be blamed. As a tear began to fall down my cheek Kendall reached up a hand and wiped it away. "Kendall I...I don't even know how to tell him. I just promised him he'd never have to worry about me hurting him again..." my voice trailed off. It was cracking as I tried to remain a low whisper.

"We have to tell them both. I'm just as nervous as you, James is sensitive. He might not show it to anyone else but I know he is. I've seen it in our friendship for years. He won't take this well either. But you know Carlos loves you and I know James loves me. You and I both know we love them, and we know what we did was a mistake. We were both kind of desperate to feel love and we acted on it. They'll know we regret it. There was nothing emotional behind it."

_**There was nothing emotional behind it. **_

That stung. Way more than it should have. My head, which had been filled with thoughts of hurting Carlos, instantly went to thoughts of Kendall. Every thought I had was colliding with another and I didn't know what to think all of a sudden. _Had it all meant nothing to him? Was it just that, and unemotional act? I had put a piece of myself into that night I couldn't get back. I couldn't get it back for Carlos or for myself and all Kendall thought was that there was nothing emotional behind it. _I sucked in a harsh breath and bit my lip. My eyes darted back up to meet Kendall's and I tried my hardest to hide all the things I was thinking not to mention all the things I was feeling. _Why must I be such a sap? _

Kendall's whole demeanor changed in a split second. It almost looked like he forgot James for a moment and he focused entirely on me. He pulled me into a quick hug and when he spoke my hair ruffled from his voice. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

All I could mutter was a short "I know." And just as quickly as it had begun the hug was over. I pushed Kendall back and looked past him. "You're right. We need to tell them." With that I pushed past Kendall, fighting my tears. When I reached Carlos's bedroom door I wiped my face and got ready for the hell I was about to unleash. There was no way this would go smoothly, no way at all.

As soon as I walked in I heard Carlos and James laughing. Of course they would choose now to get along. As I walked over to the new friends Carlos tugged me down so I was sitting in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and started to excitedly tell me all the things he and James had been talking about. Apparently the two had lots in common and were basically destined to be best friends. Carlos rested his head on my shoulder as he continued to chatter frantically with James about something. I wouldn't know, my mind was somewhere else, focused on what I had to do now.

Kendall came back in the room a few minutes after me with a glass of water in his hands, he took a sip before handing it to James who drank a few gulps before putting the glass down next to him. While he and Carlos continued on like they were the only two in the room I could feel Kendall's gaze on me. I didn't want to look at him right now, not because I was confused over him and not because I was ashamed of what we had done, but because I knew he wanted to just blurt everything out. He just wanted my permission first; I refused to let him do that. Just put everything out like it was nothing.

So he waited about ten minutes, and then he somehow convinced James they needed to go home. As soon as they were out of the bedroom door I breathed a sigh of relief. I was still in Carlos's lap and he instantly gripped me a bit tighter. "Logan what's wrong? You were so tense after you came back from the bathroom. Was it me and James talking because that's what you wanted babe." He started to kiss my neck and before my body could react I jumped up away from him. He looked stunned, shocked, and most of all heartbroken.

"Carlos, I need to tell you something. I – I messed up." I turned to face the opposite wall and my face warmed up, my eyes were starting to water and I knew the next time I spoke my voice wouldn't be so strong.

"Logan...what did you do?" I could hear his voice shaking, he was right behind me. I could feel his body heat and I could also feel his nervousness. His confusion. He didn't know what to think or what to say. So as much as it pained me I went on.

"Carlos, while we weren't together...during those few weeks I was with James and Kendall I did something I shouldn't have. I wasn't thinking. Before I tell you I just want you to know I love you so, so, SO much. I'd do anything for you, I really would. I'd die for you if that's what it came to." I looked over my shoulder to Carlos and he looked crushed already. His body was shaking and I just wanted to hug him, but I knew it wouldn't help. Not after I told him.

"Logan, please. Just tell me."

"Kendall and I had thing. A onetime thing and-"

"What?" His voice cracked and he let go of my hand quickly.

"Carlos let me expl-"

"Logan, get out." He was shaking so hard now, with both anger and pain. It was all written in his face, especially his eyes.

"Carlos, please just liste-"

"I said leave Logan. I-I can't. This is too much. You just told me you'd never hurt me! I believed you! I believed you Logan! I told you I loved you. I do love you! I'll never be able to stop loving you and you won't ever be able to stop causing me pain. What do I need to listen to you for? All you'll do is say sweet things to make me come back to you again. I don't think I'm strong enough for that. Now please, just go."

"Carlos, I'm sor-"

"Logan, get the fuck out now!" With that he walked away, he started to vigorously throw things into their places is his room and all I could do was watch. He was angry. He had every right to be but he could just listen to me. I didn't want it to come to this. I meant everything I said about loving him, I really did.

Tears fell down my face and as I turned to go I said, "Carlos Garcia, I love you more than I've ever loved anything. Kendall could never mean what you mean to me. Please realize that." I walked out of his room, down the steps, past his mom (who tried to ask me what was wrong but I couldn't speak to her, she wouldn't want to talk about it), and out the door. Most importantly, for the moment I was out of Carlos's life.

I got in my car and drove off; I was lost in a whirlwind of thoughts all involving Carlos. I wondered how mad he really was. I wondered about his safety, I wanted to keep him from going back to cutting but after tonight... I hoped so badly he would realize it was a mistake and show up at my door tomorrow, ready to let me back into his life. Tonight, just one night without him, was too much for me.

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><p>Carlos's POV:<p>

Friday. [cont'd]

As soon as Logan was out the door, I collapsed onto the floor. Why did he have to do this to me? Why did I ever think I could trust him again? My life would never get any better; it's always one thing after another. Everyone thought I had myself together, that I was this extremely happy, carefree person when I'm not. I have more insecurities then I'd like to admit and most of the time I don't feel like I'm worth much.

As you can imagine, the rape didn't help. How would it? I still feel dirty from that night. I still have nightmares about it. I had to get myself a nightlight. I don't like being in complete darkness anymore and honestly anytime I'm alone I get scared. I always feel like someone's watching me, waiting for me to make one wrong move so they can attack me. I know I need to talk to someone. My paranoia isn't getting any better on its own.

I know I should be able to rely on Logan, I know he didn't mean to do what he did. Honestly, I'm about 90% of the reason he and Kendall were even able to do...whatever it was they did. (I never even gave Logan the chance to tell me, but it's probably better that way.) That didn't change the fact that I was upset at him though. I just didn't understand. Here he was saying he loved me and that he couldn't live without me, but he was hoping in the bed with Kendall at the first sign of trouble between us.

My hand fished around in my pocket and I pulled out a small piece of paper. James had written his number on it while we were alone and told me that if I ever needed to talk to someone it was okay to call him. He seemed like a really genuine person, I could tell he cared deeply for his friends. I didn't know if I should call him right now, maybe he was with Kendall. _Wait? Has Kendall told him? Is he okay with it?_ My slight curiosity drove me to pick up my phone and dial his number quickly. I listened to it ring a few times before a warm "Hello?" came through the other line.

"James, it's Carlos. Can we have lunch or something tomorrow?" My voice was slightly shaking as my nerves crept in. What if he didn't want to have lunch with me? What if he didn't really like me but he was putting up with me for Logan's sake? What if this was all another scheme and they were trying to break down my barriers so they could hurt me more next time. The thought made me sick and I forgot James was still on the phone.

"Carlos? CARLOS?" I snapped back to reality as James began to frantically call my name from the other line.

"I'm here, I'm here. I just got lost in some thoughts."

"Well I was saying that we could definitely go for something to eat tomorrow. I'm sure whatever you need to talk about is fine. How's Logan?"

"Well he's umm what I needed to talk about."

"Well okay. Carlos, whatever it is, be safe." I could hear the concern in his voice and I instantly felt guilty. I always felt like I was bringing everyone down, especially lately.

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><p>Logan's POV:<p>

It was close to midnight, and I had shut myself in my room as soon as I reached my house. I was sitting in the dark, curled up in my bed with a box of tissues next to me. The used tissues were scattered across the blankets as well as the floor but I didn't care at the moment. I loved Carlos, but sometimes I didn't understand him. He had every right to be upset, but...I just wanted him to let me speak. Maybe if he let me explain the blow wouldn't have been so hard. I thought of the way he held me in his lap today, how he has rested his head on my shoulder while he chatted away with James, but mostly I thought of his smile and how beautiful it was. As I pictured it across his face my mind instantly took it to the frown I had caused. I felt another tear run down my face and as I reached up to wipe it away my phone lit up.

I was getting a call from James. As I reached to answer it I wondered if Kendall had told him about what happened yet. If he had James would probably be mad at me. I deserved all the anger that was being put towards me right now.

"Logan?" James surprisingly didn't sound angry, but worried.

"I'm here."

"Kendall told me what happened between you two and I uhh wanted you to know I'm not mad at you. Neither one of you had any clue how I felt about Kendall when it happened, so I really have no position for being upset about anything." He paused. "Carlos however, seems to be taking it pretty hard."

A knot formed in my stomach, "He's okay right?"

"As far as I know, He wants to talk to me tomorrow so we're going out to lunch. He otld me he wants to talk about you."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I know he wants to ask me how I'm taking this with Kendall. I'm going to be honest with him you know."

"James, I love him. I love him so much, it was just a stupid mistake. I-"

"I know you regret it Logan, I know that. It was a onetime thing. Carlos isn't so sure of that though, he's worried right now. I could tell on the phone. He's worried you'll find someone you love more than him, someone you want more than him. Try to understand his feelings. I'll call you tomorrow. Night."

"Thanks James, goodnight." I put my phone down and stared up at my ceiling. I prayed Carlos would find it in himself to forgive me.

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><p><strong>Thanks again for reading((:<strong>

**Tell me what you thought of this chapter?**


	15. First Kiss

**SURPSISE! It's been a while since the last update, I just needed some inspiration and with the help of a friend we figured out where to go next! So buckle up and get ready, there's a shocker in there.**

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><p>Saturday.<p>

Carlos's POV:

It was almost noon and I was waiting anxiously for James. We were supposed to meet in Starbucks in about five minutes but I got there early so I could relax. All morning I had been kind of nervous, but I wanted to know what James had to say. I needed someone's honest opinion, someone who had been involved with everything that had unfolded from the start, and that was James. My leg jiggled as I sat in one of the high chairs [I liked them because they made me feel tall], and I looked at my frappachino with an uneasy expression.

_What if I didn't want to know what happened with Logan and Kendall? What if this whole conversation was a mistake? Why is it even bothering me so much? I know Logan doesn't like Kendall, not like he likes me anyways. So why was it so important to hear it from someone else? _

I shifted uneasily in my seat and took a sip before continuing my thoughts.

_Maybe it's because I don't believe anyone could love me? Not the way Logan says he loves me? I'm just silly Carlos, how could anyone take me seriously? Logan is beautiful, fuck, even James and Kendall are beautiful. And then there's me. Simple Carlos. Nobody likes simple. Everyone wants something exciting in their life, and that's just not me._

"Carlos, hey!" The chair across from me moved away from the table making a loud sound and I saw James take the seat. I put on my best smile and tried to give James my friendliest, 'hello.' "Dude, when I got here you looked like you were deep in thought, what's going on up there in your head." James leaned across the table and ruffled my hair before chuckling.

"Just thinking...about the umm thing I wanted to talk about." The corners of my mouth instantly dropped and I turned away from James to look out at the people walking by. They all looked so happy. There were people walking by themselves chatting excitedly on their phones and there were those couples holding hands and laughing over the conversation. I sighed heavily before turning back to James, "Why James, why would he do that?"

James sucked in a deep breathe before letting it out, "Carlos, you all weren't together then. He didn't have his head on straight, he wasn't thinking. He couldn't think, you kind of help him think rationally believe it or not. When you aren't there, supporting him, he loses himself." James's hazel eyes showed that he was speaking solely from his heart, he wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear, but he was being honest. I was glad we were friends now, he was really full of wisdom.

"James, I'm worried...what if he doesn't really love me?" My eyes started to water up and I reached up and wiped away the first tear before it could fall. "What if it wasn't just a one night thing? What if Logan likes Kendall?"

James reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "Carlos, you can't think like that. You have to trust Logan. I trust Kendall."

"Do you really, really trust him James?" He loosened his grip on my hand, but that didn't change the fact I felt him tense up a little bit. His eyes flashed from their honest shade of hazel to a deep one I hadn't seen before. "James?"

He shook his perfectly placed hair (and of course when he stopped it still looked flawless) and the hazel color returned to his eyes. He gave me a toothy grin before saying, "Of course Carlos, their little...escapade happened before anyone knew I had feelings for Kendall. He's never given me a reason not to trust him and Carlos Logan hasn't given you one either." I gave him an inquisitive look and he decided to explain, "He...well they, could have kept that night to themselves, neither you nor I had any idea it happened and they knew that. However, they told us what happened anyways Carlos. That's why I trust Kendall; if he can tell me something like that I know he can tell me anything. I didn't have to ask a lot of questions or have a lot of petty fights with him to have the truth come out, he was just honest and that's all I've ever wanted from someone."

When James finished, it was like everything made sense. Well mostly everything but there was something I knew even James couldn't tell me but I asked anyways, "James, how could anyone love me?"

"Carlos, you're special, whether you see it or not, it's true. Logan sees it, I see it, and even Kendall sees it. There's something about you, your smile, the way your eyes shine when you laugh at a joke, even your chuckle is cute. You are the dictionary definition of lovable."

"James, can we go back to my house? I think this conversation is getting a little too personal for us to be having it in public."

He gave me a reassuring smile before standing up from the table and grabbing his coffee. I smiled at him and followed him from the small coffee shop. Surprisingly he had been able to park right next to me and he followed me back to my house. When we walked in I headed straight up into my room where James took a seat next to me on my bed.

"Carlos," he grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes.

"Yeah James?"

"You _are_ loved. Even if you can't see it right now, believe me, multiple people out there love you."

I just couldn't believe it. Even now, when James was putting it out right in front of me, I couldn't believe someone would love me. Even after he gave all those details explaining why I was lovable it didn't make sense. I must be messed up in the head or something. Wait? 'Multiple people love me'? What did James mean by that? Sure Logan 'loved' me and James and Kendall 'loved' me the way you love a small child or a puppy, but the way James said it hinted at more. "James what do you mean by that?"

Suddenly he turned a deep shade of red and looked away, "Nothing big I guess, but that there are people who care about you, a lot more than you think they do." When he brought his eyes back to mine something was different, the honest hazel had turned to something I hadn't seen before, it wasn't dark like before but it was...mesmerizing.

"James, I-"

The next thing I knew it a pair of full, moist lips were on mine and I forgot where I was. For a moment I forgot who I was. I didn't know what was going on but I hadn't felt this before. Those fireworks everyone talks about, I was feeling them and the butterflies in my stomach were raging. But when I started to kiss back I saw Logan, I saw his smile, his dimples, I heard his laugh. "James I can't." I pushed the brunette back as much as it pained me. "I really, _really_ love Logan."

He frowned but nodded. I realized something at that moment, James Diamond was gorgeous. Even when he was frowning, his face was flawless. I hadn't noticed until now, but his eyes were enticing, they were my favorite thing about him. I had been noticing them all day but now I noticed them differently. I looked at him differently. The way he wanted the best for his friends, even when it conflicted what he wanted, like right now, he wanted to help me and Logan work things out but after that kiss...

I grabbed the brunette's chin and made his eyes meet mine. I hoped I wouldn't regret this and I leaned back in for another kiss.

_Logan please understand, because I understand what you were doing now._

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><p><strong>Send me your thoughts?<strong>


	16. Contemplation

**Well guys this is LOOONG overdue and I apologize greatly. Also as you can tell it's very short. I had to go back and reread all of the more recent chapters to even remember what was happening at this point and even I was surprised at some points. (Now I know how you all feel). I just wanted to clear up how Carlos is feeling in this chapter [even though it's still confusing for you all, I know where I'm going with it]. I'll update soon! **

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><p>Wednesday.<p>

Carlos's POV:

It's been two days since that kiss I shared with James, and to be honest, I didn't get a thing resolved. After we kissed we both realized we couldn't tell Kendall and Logan, we just couldn't. We didn't even know how we felt for each other so why bring our boyfriends into our mass confusion now. So that was it, during the day me and Logan hung out but at night once he could get away from Kendall, James and I sat together in my room. Sometimes we talked and other times we just lay on my bed and looked at the ceiling. It was so peaceful and I honestly loved it.

But the thing is I love spending time with Logan too. He's always been the object of my affection, even when we were going through it. I love him for his charm, his smile, the brightness in his eyes, the way he laughed, the sway of his hips as he walked, how his heartbeat sped up when we were close, I loved that he understood me...understood what I had been through. No one else knew about...that night, and Logan made sure he didn't treat me any differently once he found out.

And Kendall, I don't even know where to begin with him. U saw him this morning as I walked into school and he looked pissed. Well not really pissed, but something was eating at him. If I didn't know any better he looked sort of jealous about something...I'm probably making all this up. What does Kendall have to be jealous over? He doesn't know about me and James and his thing with Logan was one time. As in, he doesn't love Logan or anything...

_right_?

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><p><strong>How is everyone feeling about this?<strong>


	17. Break Ups and Make Ups

**Sigh, here's the long [and I mean LONG] overdue addition to Take A Breath! Please tell me what you think. I tried to make it worth the wait. :)**

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><p><em>Wrong.<em>

James came rushing by me going after Kendall giving me apologetic eyes before chasing after his boyfriend. I gave the two of them a confused look as I watched James tug on Kendall's shirt before Kendall would turn and look at him. James looked like he was frantically telling him something and Kendall looked like he really didn't want to hear it. Soon enough Logan was next to me and his hand was in mine. I felt sick to my stomach seeing Kendall and James arguing and I could tell Logan knew it was bothering me. He pulled me over to one side of the hallway and stood where he knew he'd be blocking my view of Kendall and James.

"What's wrong Carlos?" Logan was looking at me with those big brown eyes and I couldn't keep looking at him so I looked at the ground instead. "Babe, you have to tell me what's wrong with you. I've noticed something about you has changed these past few days and you can tell me anything." Logan grabbed the bottom of my chin and gave me a short, sweet kiss. I was having trouble holding back the rising tears because this isn't what I wanted. The problem was I didn't know what I wanted. I knew I loved Logan and that Logan was good for me. But I knew there was something about James and I didn't understand it at all. I glanced up at Logan and seeing he was still looking at me intently with those big eyes still I couldn't help it. I let go of his hand and I walked away, I walked to class. I couldn't deal with this right now.

Somehow I managed to avoid Logan, James, and Kendall for the rest of the day and I wasted no time getting out to my car and going home. I just wanted to think and I knew what I had to do. I glanced towards my bathroom thinking back to the reason I even had to think about this. I snapped myself away from the thoughts that were calling me to go into the bathroom and go back through the pain I had already experienced. I changed my clothes quickly, swapping my jeans for a pair of shorts and putting on a more comfortable shirt. I tugged my running shoes on and I grabbed my ipod and I headed for the door. I just needed to go for a run, I needed to stay away from that tub, and I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

While running my thoughts were going crazy, I thought about Logan and all the things we had together and then I thought about James and thought about the few moments James and I had. It took me twenty minutes to come to my conclusion and I knew it was the best thing I could muster. I pulled my phone from my pocket while I took a quick break from running and I texted James and asked him to meet me at my house. He texted me back saying he'd be there as soon as he could. I sighed out loud and quickly looked around me before jogging back to my house.

An hour later, I was clean from a quick shower and I was sitting next to James on my bed like we had been doing for a while now except this time was different. When James got there I was already laying on my bed so he just came in and laid next to me. We just looked up at the ceiling and silence before I spoke up, "This isn't good James."

He sighed and I noticed he looked over at me, "I know Carlos, I know."

"We can't keep...doing this. Even though we aren't doing anything really other than just sitting around together I know it would hurt Logan. He trusts me...I think, and I just can't sit around anymore and betray that trust."

James moved closer to me and took my hand, "I don't want to hurt Kendall anymore either. I think he knows. He's been picking a lot of arguments with me, asking me why I don't text him or call him at night like I used to. Even if he doesn't know it's you, he knows it's somebody."

"So is that it? We just stop spending so much time in each other's company without our boyfriends?" I looked over at James, hopeful that it would all be this easy.

To my surprise he chuckled, "No offense Carlos, but I think this might be easier than we both think right now. Honestly, I love spending this time with you and it helps me to relax but I've come to the realization of something." I squeezed James's hand, my silent way to tell him to keep going, "Well when I see you with Logan, I don't get jealous or anything. I just feel like you two are right for each other. No matter how much you and I get along, or how much we just need to get away from Logan and Kendall for a while to clear our heads I know you and Logan should stay together because he's perfect for you. Kind of like I know Kendall it perfect for me. He always has been."

We were still staring at each other and then I surprised him by sitting up and pulling him up for a hug. "Thanks James, because honestly I feel the same way you do. Clearly we're meant to be good friends, great friends, hell **best** friends, but I know Logan is the one for me." With that James got up and headed towards my door, "Well then Los, I think it's time for you to go show Logan how much he means to you. I can tell he's been getting worried, and I know you've seen it too."

I sighed, knowing that James was right so I just nodded at him, with that James was gone and I was pulling out my phone to text Logan.

**I'll be over soon okay? I know I normally don't invite myself over but this is important.**

Logan's POV:

I read over Carlos's text and I tried not to freak out. This was it, he was coming to break up with me. I knew he was different. I could tell by the way he acted around me, and then when he ran away from me today in the hall I knew this was it. I did everything I could to get him back and it wasn't enough. I sat on my bed and I decided that if Carlo had realized we weren't meant to be together that I wouldn't put up a fight, I wouldn't argue. Having Carlos as a friend was better than not having Carlos at all right?

I sighed and just when I had decided to get up off my bed Carlos burst into my room and tackled me down on my bed. He was giving me kisses all over my face and I didn't understand. Then my mind went back to a few months ago when Carlos had done this to me before. Before I could think I pushed him off of me and sat straight up, "Carlos what was that!" I started to yell because I didn't want to go through the past few months all over again. He blinked at me surprised and then he laid back on my bed pulling me with him so that my head was on his chest and his arm was around me.

"I've been a terrible boyfriend to you..." I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. "I-I've been deciding what to do all day Logan and it all came crashing down on me when I took a run this afternoon. I don't want to mess up with you. I don't want to let you go. You're everything I've ever wanted. You've been there for me through so much and even though I keep putting you through shit you stick around and I kept asking myself 'why?' because I couldn't understand why you stuck with me. Then It hit me today, it hit me like a ton of bricks, it's because you love me." Carlos paused and I shifted in his arms before he suddenly tightened his grip on me I looked up at him and he was staring up at the ceiling. He looked so lost in his own mind that I just waited for a bit before he spoke up again, "I know you tell me all the time you love me and I guess I've always known that you loved me but I just never understood how far love could go. Logan I love you, and these past few weeks I haven't shown you that enough. So it stops tonight, I'm going to love you with everything I have, just like you love me." Carlos looked down at me finally, a triumphant grin plastered on his face and I couldn't help but smile. Carlos was so sure of his decision and even though I wasn't happy he hadn't just been straight forward with me before I was glad he was talking to me now. No secrets. The way we had always been.

"But there's more..." What? More? I thought that was it. I looked at him again this time I didn't try to hide my confusion. He sighed loudly before leaning down to kiss my forehead. "This was a long time ago, so please don't think anything of it because it only happened on that one day...but I uh..I might have kissed James." I instantly sat up, Carlos's arms fell away from me and I just looked at him. Kissed James? He kissed James? "He's kind of the reason I've been so distant from you, because I just wanted to know how I felt about James and now I know, I don't like him like I like you. Well hell, I don't like him the way I love you. I don't need him, but Logan I need you."

"For how long?" I spit the question out with lot more intensity than I planned but I couldn't help it. I was upset. I was mad. I was confused and by the look on Carlos's face so was he.

"Wh-what do you mean for how long?"

"How long are you going to need me?" When Carlos didn't answer I kept going, "I don't think I can handle you kissing a guy just because you don't understand your feelings for. Because I clearly understand my feelings for you and when I'm with you, it's only you. You're all I can think about. Since that night with Kendall I haven't given it a second thought." Okay that wasn't exactly true, I had given it a few thoughts but not anymore, not when I knew I loved Carlos. "I know I want you, but are you so sure you want me?" I was playing with my blanket now, running my hands through the soft fabric when I noticed Carlos's hands coming into my view. They took the blanket away from me and soon his fingers were wrapped with mine.

"I'm more than sure Logan. I know I want to be with you. Come here." And with that I was back in Carlos's arms and I noticed that I was crying Carlos leaned around me to get something off the table next to my bed and soon he was using the tissues I kept on the table to wipe my face. He kissed the top of my head as he pulled me closer, "We're still young Logan, but we can handle this. When I'm with you I know I can do anything, don't you feel the same about me?"

I did. I felt exactly that way. When I was with Carlos I wasn't just some nerd with good grades but I was someone who could do anything he wanted and anything he put his mind to because Carlos was next to me pushing me to do it. "Yeah Carlos, I do, I do feel the same." I looked up at him before pressing my lips to his gently. This was what we needed. We're going to get better. We already are better. Carlos is the person I need and I have him. Hopefully this time I have him 100% because he's always had me that way.

James's POV:

When I left Carlos's I knew I couldn't go home just yet, I needed to go clear the air with Kendall. My Kendall. Lately, we weren't doing so well. I figured it was because my mind was clouded with the thoughts of Carlos but after tonight I knew Kendall was the one I wanted. I rushed up to his door after a short drive and I knocked on it eagerly. When he opened the door instead of the usual kiss we shared he just stood back enough to let me in. I gave him a quick confused look before stepping in. We silently went to his bedroom before he shut the door behind us.

"James, we should talk..."


	18. Moving On

James's POV:

We sat down on the edge of his bed. We both sat looking at the wall in front of us, neither wanting to meet the eyes of the other. I looked down at the floor with my hands clasped together. "Okay, what is it Kendall?" I felt his right hand fumbling with my left and I let him grab it. I could tell he was looking at me out of the corner of my eyes and I started shaking, there was an ominous feeling in the air.

"Why don't you come over anymore? Have I done something wrong?" Kendall was looking ahead at the wall again.

I sighed as I squeezed his hand. "You haven't done anything love."

"Then why don't you come over? We haven't spent any real time with each other in weeks. I miss you."

Kendall's tone was breaking my heart. I knew he missed having me around. He made that clear by our intense discussions everyday in school, but I didn't know it was hurting him. I thought he was just frustrated. Kendall and I have always been friends. I figured he just didn't have anyone else to talk to while I was with Carlos.

"James...I just said I missed you and all you're doing is staring at the floor with a blank expression on your face. Do you not miss me?" His grip on my hand loosened and soon the warmth from his hand was gone.

"Of course I miss you." I looked over at him and soon my eyes were met with his. They looked sad and discouraged. "I'm sorry for this. For not treating you the way you deserved. You've been nothing but good to me and I've been taking advantage of it."

Kendall gave a weak smile and reached out and grabbed my hand again. "Can I be honest with you James?"

I tilted my head curiously before nodding. "I wouldn't want you to do anything else. Kendall let out a sigh before pressing his lips against mine softly. When he backed away I could tell he was nervous about saying whatever he had on his mind. I squeezed his hand again, "Just say it babe, it can't be that bad."

"James, I-I like you a lot."

I chuckled, "I already knew that silly." I playfully hit him in the chest before the look in his eyes told me he wasn't finished talking. My face dropped and my eyes got wide. I could feel my heart rate picking up and I didn't know what to expect next. Kendall knew I was nervous now because his grip on my hand tightened and I could tell he was nervous now.

"I-I think I have unresolved feelings for Logan, James." Before I knew what I was doing I let go of his hand and stood up facing him.

"What do you mean by 'unresolved feelings' Kendall?" My voice cracked when I said his name but I didn't want to cry. Not in front of him. In all our years of being friends Kendall had never seen me cry and I wasn't going to start today.

"I-I don't know James. You haven't been here. I've been thinking. I've done so much thinking. I love you. I know I do, but you aren't here when I need you. Logan was always there for me when I needed him-."

"-before Carlos." I said the word with such hostility and I didn't mean to but it just came out that way.

It caught Kendall off guard, I could tell by the way his eyes jumped up to meet mine, "Wh-what?"

"Logan was there for you...before he got Carlos back. Maybe you noticed how distant Carlos was being with Logan. Maybe you thought it was going to be your chance to finally win Logan over by showing him that you wouldn't do that to him, that you'd always be there." Kendall's eyes turned the shade of green that meant he felt guilty and he turned away from me. Suddenly I let out a short chuckle, "You should know that Carlos went over there to apologize tonight. Kendall they aren't breaking up, they're perfect for each other, they always have been. I thought you were perfect for me, but maybe not. I came here to apologize to you Kendall. I wasn't hanging out with you a lot because I was with Carlos." Kendall's face got confused and for a second he looked angry. I turned and started walking out of the room, "Don't worry Kendall, all we did was lay on his bed and talk. We decided to stop doing that tonight though." He followed me to his front door in silence. When I stepped out onto the porch I turned and looked at him one more time, "When you figure out what you want, let me know. Until then, don't tell me you love me."

I left without saying another word. I couldn't do this. Kendall couldn't still want Logan. What they had was a onetime thing right? I stopped walking on the sidewalk and let out a huff as I pulled my jacket on tighter before continuing. Apparently it wasn't a onetime thing if Kendall was still thinking about it. But maybe it had been something that only happened once, but because of that one time Kendall couldn't get Logan out of his head. I know when I kissed Carlos for the first time it was all I could think about for a while, there was magic in that kiss. Maybe Kendall had felt that with Logan. Maybe there wasn't any magic behind our kisses. He wanted more and I couldn't compare to smart kid.

I reached my house in somewhat record time and ran into my bedroom. Flopping down on my bed I pulled my phone out of my pocket I realized I had text messages from Carlos and Kendall. I sighed and decided to start with the good news first.

**Guess what James? Me and Logan are okay :D -C**

**Hey buddy did you talk to Kendall? :D –C**

**Hey James, I'm getting worried, are you guys okay?-C**

**James, Kendall just called Logan and he's really upset. –C**

**James are you okay? –C**

So much for good news. Kendall was probably only crying to Logan because he wanted to see if Carlos was there. I shook my head before realizing I had to read the messages from Kendall too.

**Even if you never forgive me, I do love you James.-K**

**I'm sorry.-K**

**Don't give up on me. Give me some time.-K**

Give him some time. Was he serious? We've practically been friends since before we were potty trained and he still needed _time_. I rolled over onto my stomach and pulled a pillow with me hugging it tightly. I shouldn't have expected everything to go smoothly.

* * *

><p>I walked into school with my head down. This morning was a drag and I really didn't want to be here at all. I marched past Kendall, Logan, and Carlos who were all giving me pathetic looks as I walked into my first class. I slid into my seat and gave a groan when I noticed I was twenty minutes early. I laid my head down on my desk and closed my eyes, I just wanted to block out all the bad things. Kendall hadn't even tried to talk to me this morning and of course he was going to be the one who got to keep Carlos and Logan as friends. Logan always liked him better, I mean Kendall was the one he went to when he needed help with Carlos, he just knew wherever Kendall went I was always behind him.<p>

"Diamond?" I groaned as I heard the sympathetic voice that belonged to Dak Zevon. I tried to keep my head down but Dak wasn't having it.

"You can try to ignore me Diamond but you're clearly upset. Judging by the fact that you aren't out there with your boyfriend and your other two friends I'm guessing something's going on with Kendall." Dak's tone wasn't hostile but it wasn't exactly sugar and unicorns either.

"Why do you care, Zevon?" I met his gray eyes and for a second I found myself lost in them.

Dak's cheeks blushed a little bit as he sank into his seat next to me facing the board in the front. "You don't deserve to be hurt. I mean you bully a lot of people, but ever since you started hanging out with Logan and Carlos you seem really cool." Dak looked over at me quickly before moving his eyes to his lap. "I mean, Kendall's a lucky guy. You guys have been friends forever. Shit-, Diamond I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just think you don't deserve to be in here looking like you're about to bawl your eyes out over anyone. You're James Diamond. Nobody's second choice. It's always been that way."

I nodded at Dak before thinking to myself. He was right. I am James Diamond, since when do I wait around for anyone. Maybe hanging out with Logan, Carlos and now even Kendall was making me forget that. I sucked in a harsh breath as I asked Dak a question there was no going back from, "Do you want to see a movie this weekend?" I smiled at him and right away I could tell he was interested.

"Well-I-uh-have a um-"

I chuckled lightly, "Don't be so nervous."

"Well um, Kendall probably wouldn't want that and I um-"

"Forget Kendall. He isn't focused on me right now anyways. So, movies?"

Dak finally sighed, obviously relieved, "Okay Diamond, you've got yourself a date."

I smiled as all the other kids started piling in the room around us. I went through the rest of class glancing at Dak out of the corner of my eye, and almost every time I did so he was watching me too. It was so cute when he turned red and tried to pretend he wasn't looking at me. I made sure to write my number down on a piece of paper and give it to him after class. This was my first step to getting over Kendall, because I didn't want to let someone have my hear twho wasn't willing to take good care of it.


	19. Broken

Kendall's POV:

It was now Saturday and I still hadn't heard from James. It had been three days since we had last talked and seeing him at school wasn't at all what I expected. He had made some new friends and he didn't even bother to talk to Carlos, Logan or I anymore. Whenever I tried talking to him at school he'd just shake his head and walk away and every text I sent him went unanswered. I didn't know what to do at this point. I screwed up. Plus I was pretty sure that Dak had moved in where I left off. He and James seemed really close and I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't a little bit upset by that. Yeah I was the school's tough guy but I really wished James had acted like I had mattered to him.

When I first saw him talking to Dak I brushed it off and figured he was just doing it to try and make me jealous or something, but then I saw them again the next day. I realized James looked **happy**, like really, really happy. I noticed him touching Dak's shoulder and playfully hitting his chest. He was flirting. There was no doubt about it and I could tell Dak was flirting back too. James could have any one he wanted. It had been that way his entire life, he was good looking and when you got to know him and realize he was just a big teddy bear he was really sweet too. Looking at him now I realized he was the best relationship I ever had, even with all the messed up things that had gone on between us.

Then yesterday I had tried to talk to him, three times, and each time he walked away. The first time I tried talking to him he was walking by with Dak. Logan and Carlos both said hi to him and he responded by only nodding his head in their direction. When he was walking by me I tried to say hi but I couldn't. So I just grabbed his arm so he would have to stop walking. We looked at each other for a few seconds before he shook my hand off of him and continued walking down the hallway.

The second time I actually spoke his name. He was walking by our table at lunch. I figured he'd sit with us because he had never sat with anyone other than me at lunch. Of course I was wrong again because he just sat with one of Dak's friends. I think his name was Jett or something. When he walked by with his tray he glanced at our table and I took the opportunity to yell at his name and point to the seat next to me while giving his my best sympathetic face. All he did was frown at me, shake his head, and continue walking to the other side of the crowded, noisy room. Carlos and Logan sat across from me and they tried to make me feel better, but nothing they were saying was helping. It hurt a lot to sit across from those two and watch them hold hands and realize James didn't want to do those things with me anymore. I knew I was to blame, but I was still upset by it.

The last time I tried to talk to James was after school. I cornered him at his locker when no one else was around and asked him why he was being so distant. What scared me was that he didn't get mad or yell at me like he normally does when he's upset with me, but he closed his locker softly and looked at me. Of course he had looked at me all day when I made my pathetic attempts at trying to make peace between us but this was different. When he looked at me he almost looked broken and scared but hopeful. The worst part was that I knew the hope in his eyes wasn't for us. It was for something new. Something that didn't involve me. When he walked away this time it hurt more than the other two combined. I sank onto the floor in the hallway and just sat there. In just a short amount of time I had lost the only thing I really cared for.

After finally getting myself up off the floor and making my way home I didn't know what to do. It was Friday, which had previously been hang out with James, Carlos, and Logan say because we can all go on double dates. But clearly I couldn't do that anymore. I turned down an invitation to hang out with Carlos and Logan because I figured they'd prefer to be by themselves then have me around moping. So I spent the evening on the couch, eating and watching action movies by myself until I fell asleep.

And now here I am today, still on the couch, covered in candy wrappers and plastic cups watching more pointless movies because I don't know what else to do with all this time. Just when I picked up my phone to text James again apologizing for everything for the fiftieth time I heard my doorbell ring.. When I opened the door Carlos and Logan were there smiling and holding up a bunch of DVDs they had rented and popcorn. Carlos peeked around me and said "Wow dude, looks like you started the party without us. Logan I think he's been doing this all night."

Now it was Logan's turn to look around me as he and Carlos walked into my house. "Okay Kendall we know you're upset about this and everything, but is drowning yourself in Reese Cups and Hershey's going to help? And Kendall have you even taken a shower this morning?"

I sighed as I brought my hand up to my hair and ran it through. I shook my head at Logan before looking down at the ground. I looked back up to see Carlos standing by my couch giving me a sympathetic look and Logan standing by my stairs doing the same. "Well why don't you go take one while Carlos and I clean up this mess, make you a real breakfast and pick a movie to watch first. Okay?"

I gave the pair a weak smile, "Yeah, that sounds okay. Thanks guys."

"Anytime bro. We love you." Carlos walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a big a hug before letting go and shooing me up the stairs. "Don't take too long, or we'll worry and come up there to see if you tried to drown yourself or something."

"I'll try to refrain from drowning myself in the shower guys." I chuckled as I climbed the stairs and heard the two start whispering behind me.

When I got to my bathroom I threw my clothes off and climbed into the warm water. I sighed as I relaxed for the first time in four days and right now the thoughts of James didn't seem too bad. I felt a little better but I couldn't help but hope this would last. I didn't want to stay sad over James, especially while I knew he was sad but getting over it. Remembering what Carlos said I climbed out a few minutes later and put on some new clothes. I brushed my teeth and even tried to make my hair look presentable before going back down the stairs. When I reached the bottom stair I smelled pancakes and eggs coming from the kitchen and I noticed the two (probably more Carlos than Logan) had built a fort in my living room around the tv for us to sit in while we watched movies. I smiled for the first time in days as I walked into the kitchen to see Carlos standing next to Logan has Logan taught him how to flip pancakes. Carlos was red and seemed a little frustrated and I took a seat at the table quietly. It took a long time for them to notice I was in the room but I didn't mind. It was kind of peaceful to watch them together and for some reason it wasn't heart wrenching.

When they finally finished cooking we ate silently and when everyone was done we all joined into help clean up. It was actually fun because we had a mini water fight while washing the dishes and it ended in Carlos and I ganging up on Logan. I had actually forgotten James for a while until Carlos asked, "So buddy, any word from James yet?"

Logan shot him a glare and I frowned, "No Carlos, nothing yet."

Logan patted me on the back as we walked towards the fort Carlos had constructed, "He'll come around...and if he doesn't anyone would be lucky to have you. Plus you have me and Carlos who promise not to make you feel like a third wheel, right Carlos?" Carlos looked over at the two of us as he threw us each a candy bar.

"Right!" Carlos smiled at the two of us before settling down on the floor while Logan started the movie. I let Logan lay in the middle of the group and for the next few hours we were quiet minus the occasional laugh, gasp, or small comment on the plot of the movies we watched.

After the third movie it was getting dark outside and Logan decided he should make dinner since my parents wouldn't be home until late. However, after some serious puppy dog faces and begging Carlos and I convinced him that it would be okay for us to order a pizza instead. Half an hour and full stomachs later we were settling back in to watch more movies when my phone went off. I couldn't help the bit of hope that rose in my throat and I honestly didn't know what to expect. When I looked at my screen I was surprised and relieved to see it was James. However I couldn't help the fear and suspense I felt when I read the 5 word text.

**Let's talk. Tomorrow. My house. –J**

Carlos and Logan told me everything was going to be fine and hopefully James was just going to apologize for his behavior and everything would be fine. I wasn't so sure. Just when I thought I was getting better I felt like I was breaking all over again, and nothing had happened yet.


	20. New Beginnings

Kendall's POV:

I looked up at the house I had been in too many times to count throughout my life, but this time I was really nervous. This was my make it or break it time with James. I sat in my car, shaking, trying to remember the advice Logan and Carlos had given me the night before,

* * *

><p>"<em>Just relax Kendall, when you go over there, be yourself. James has always loved you. He didn't just stop. He just needs to know you'll always be there for him" A bubbly Carlos said those words to me with confidence. "After all, look at everything Logan and I have been through, and look at us. Happier and closer than ever, right babe?" Carlos looked over to Logan and Logan gave him that lopsided grin I had grown to know all too well.<em>

"_Right babe." I could see Logan's mind working before he spoke again. "Carlos is right, James has always loved you, and maybe he's done going out with Dak. He probably just wanted to see if he could fall for anyone the way he fell for you. But now he's realized that he just can't. So he wants you to come over and talk some sense into him. Convince him that you and I weren't anything to be seriously worried about, and that it took losing him in a way you never thought possible to realize that. But now you're more then 100% positive that he IS the one for you." Logan smiled again and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and gave a squeeze._

"_Logan and I will always be here for you if you need us.." Carlos paused and looked around before speaking up again, "Who thought we'd ever be here giving Kendall Knight boy advice?" He chuckled a little bit before abruptly stopping, realizing he probably shouldn't have said that. "Sorry Kendall."_

_I finally spoke up, "It's okay Carlos, I know you guys mean nothing but good. You're right though, both of you, I'm going to have to suck it up and talk to James. We've been best friends our entire lives, and I know how much I need him now, I refuse to let him get away from me. Not this time." I smiled and stood up, still feeling a little uneasy about everything, but trying to shield that from Carlos and Logan. "Thanks guys, I really needed this pep talk." I gave them both quick hugs and left for my own house, dreading what tomorrow could bring._

* * *

><p>I got out of my car and trudged up to the door, waiting for what felt like hours before ringing the doorbell. I looked down and shuffled around a little before trying to pull down my t-shirt. I sighed and as soon as I went to ring the doorbell again the door opened.<p>

James was there in front of me and he wasn't smiling, but he wasn't exactly frowning either. I didn't know how to feel with that. He waved me in the door and I walked in and waited for him to take the lead. He chose to walk towards his kitchen and I followed, neither of us had spoken yet and with each passing second I only grew more worried that maybe this **was** the end.

James sat at his kitchen table and I sat across from him. I didn't even bother to meet his glance, and I felt like a fool for thinking I'd walk in here and he'd immediately be holding me and telling me what a mistake he had made.

"Kendall..." I looked up and met James's eyes. He looked sad and like he was missing something. "I know I've been really harsh on you. But I needed to get away from you and let myself breath. The other night I felt like I was suffocating when you told me you still had feelings for Logan, I didn't know what to do. I knew I loved you, I knew that I always would. I don't think you realized how much you saying that hurt me. I lost all of my confidence." James reached out and pulled one of my hands onto the table and took it between his two. "Then Dak came in and he reminded me that it is in my blood to be confident."

At the mention of Dak's name I couldn't help but try to pull my hand back but James wouldn't let go. "I don't want to talk about him James." I said the words with as much strength as I could but it was hard.

James shook his head and kept holding on to me, "Kendall please let me finish. I don't want you to be sitting around, thinking about me and letting that put you in a dark place. I don't want your mind to go where Carlos's has been. I know he doesn't want that for you either, so just hear me out. I love you, and I just needed to be able to breath and feel like me again. I have that back. I tried to go on dates with Dak, but I just couldn't picture myself with him forever. Not the way I picture myself with you. I let him know that last night, before I texted you asking you to come over. "

James squeezed my hand and I caught a glimpse of his hazel irises shimmering like tears were about to swell up in his eyes. "I don't know what you've done to me in this short amount of time," with that he let out a small chuckle. "We've always been seen as the school's two toughest students but last night I couldn't even sleep because I was so worried about us. I love you so so much, and if you'll let me, I want to do something special for you tonight, something for us."

James offered a small smile, and I couldn't help but give him one in return. Carlos and Logan had been right, James still loved me, and he wanted to be with me. "James, these past few days have been some of the hardest days I've ever had to go through. I missed you so much, you couldn't believe it even if I tried to explain it all to you. I felt like the world's biggest ass for not realizing I had the best boyfriend. I hated myself for letting you leave my house that night. I should have never let you go. So yes I'd love for us to do something together and for us to try to regain the love we already had."

James smiled at me again and stood up and came around the table and sat in my lap gently before placing his hands on my cheeks and pulling me in for a sweet kiss. He pulled back so that our lips were just barely touching and whispered, "You have no idea how much I've missed this." Before leaning in to kiss me sweetly again before pulling me up and telling me to go home and put on something cute. We shared another kiss before he shut the door and I couldn't stop the huge grin that was on my face as I drove home and prepared for the night ahead.

* * *

><p>Later that night I was humming along to the radio in James's car as he drove us to the edge of town. I didn't know where he was going exactly, but I knew every time I turned and looked at him he looked even more beautiful in the moonlight. I smiled and reached over for his hand and he turned and gave me a quick smile before refocusing on the road.<p>

Soon it was obvious to me we were out of the town now and on a back road. I opened my mouth to ask where we were going and only managed to get out " Uh James-" before he cut me off.

He squeezed my hand reassuringly, "Don't worry, I'm taking you to a spot I found one night when we were fighting. It's where I go when I need to clear my head, and I want you to know how much you mean to me, so I figured I should bring you out here, and show you my little piece of heaven."

I began looking out of window again, "I can't wait. Thank you James."

* * *

><p>James pulled in to an old farm and parked his car turning off his lights. He grabbed a flashlight and a couple of blankets he had packed before getting out of the car and coming to my side to open my door. I chuckled and stuck my tongue out at him playfully, "Such a gentleman" He just smiled and shut the door and took the lead.<p>

I didn't want to admit it but I was a little creeped out by the place, but I knew there must be a reason why James found solace here. I followed James for about five minutes before we came over a hill. The view was magnificent. The hill ran down into a little creek and there were a lot of trees and grass. James set the blanket out and sat down and patted his lap. I sat down and laid my back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I used this place when my dad left..Whenever you used to ask where I disappeared to I wanted to tell you, but I was always scared that once someone else knew about it, it wouldn't be special to me anymore." James sighed before continuing. "I guess that's how I felt about you before I confessed how I felt. I felt like once I told you I loved you, you wouldn't be mine anymore, you wouldn't want to be my best friend. Now I look back at that time and I wonder how I got so lucky to spend my entire life with the one person some people have to search decades for. I don't want this place to be special for just me anymore, I want it to be special for you too."

I kept quiet, knowing it was one of the moments where James didn't want advice, or for me to talk back, but he just needed me to be there with him, and remind him that everything would truly be okay. From now on I wasn't letting him get away from me. I knew this place must be special to him if it involved memories of his dad, so I just let him hold me and I enjoyed the quiet time between us. The sound of the wind in the leaves, and the sound of James's quiet breath against the back of my neck and he laid his chin on my shoulder.

Finally, I had my James back, and this time I wasn't letting him go.

* * *

><p>The next day, Logan and Carlos were sitting excitedly across from James and I at our favorite diner and they were beaming. Finally after twenty minutes Carlos said what they were both thinking, "We told you Kendall. We told you that you guys would be okay and that James totally wanted you back. Right Logan? We knew it and Kendall was still worried sick." Carlos squeezed his boyfriends hand as Logan just chuckled and nodded.<p>

I could feel James smiling at me and I knew my cheeks were turning red, "Awe baby don't get all nervous on me like this is our first date." I felt his lips touch my cheeks gently as he gave me a quick kiss.

I sighed "Yeah, yeah you guys think this is great." I smiled and chuckled though, "I'm just glad to have my Jamie back."

"Jamie?" Logan asked with an arched brow and his signature grin.

I offered him a soft smile and looked in James's direction, "I figured it was a cute nickname for him...if he doesn't mind it." He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the lips, and Logan and Carlos pretended to gag.

I just flicked them off and gave James another kiss before he said. "I love it Kenny."

Logan and Carlos looked like they were going to explode with laughter and Carlos tapped Logan on his side, "Logie if we ever get this mushy, we might physically melt into a puddle on the ground."

Logan just smiled and kissed Carlos gently, "Los if that was a problem, we would have been two puddles a long time ago."

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my god. Sorry it's been a YEAR. I don't even know where all that time went, but I'll write one more chapter to this fic and it'll be done. So thank you for everyone who stayed with me, and kept on me about updating, and I am so SORRY for stringing you all along like this. Tell me what you think:)<strong>


	21. Happy Endings

**One year later:**

Kendall POV:  
>The boy I had fallen so madly in love with stood before me, and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. It had been nearly a year since I had managed to pull him back in, and promise him the world. Somehow, he still managed to be here with me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me through our secret spot, smiling the whole way.<p>

"You know what day it is, don't you baby?" James said quietly as I chuckled and struggled to keep up with my excited boyfriend.

"Of course I do baby, it's been one year since you came back to me." I smiled at all the fond memories James and I had created over the last year, only a few fights, but Carlos and Logan had somehow been able to remind us of the love we shared and that we needed each other. I smiled at the thought of all four of us, the three other boys were the best friends I could have ever made, and they went to no end to show their love. So I tried to be like them, and share this immense amount of love I had kept stored in my heart for so long, after being terrified that the person who would get it would leave me broken.

But James.

James changed all of that for me. He made me become a better person, we helped each other. And even now as he was tugging me to our secret spot I couldn't help the wild butterflies in my stomach from the simple touch of James's hand, or the desire to stop running for a minute and pull him into my arms and give him a long kiss.

And so, that's what I did.

I stopped running and James turned around with a confused face, "What's wrong Kenny?"

"I just wanted to do this," I smiled, probably a little too hard and too crooked, but I knew James would love it anyways and pulled him into my chest and kissed his lips. I could feel him smile into the kiss, which of course made me smile harder. When we broke the kiss James didn't move, but he laid his head in the crook of neck and wrapped his arms around my waist, and I did the same.

"I love you Jamie." I whispered into his ear as I kissed the side of his head.

I heard a muffled, "I love you too Kenny." And I chuckled because James's breath tickled my neck. I leaned back and grabbed his hands again, placing a kiss to his cheek.

"Let's go have our picnic before all I do is stand here and kiss you.."

James smiles wetly at me, and intertwined our fingers before pulling me off again.

* * *

><p>Logan POV:<p>

Los was walking towards me and I felt nervous. Almost nervous as I had been when I saw him approaching me that day at school, the day that changed our lives forever. I raised my hand to wave nervously at him as I waited at our table in red lobster. I relaxed a little when I saw his face light up and he waved back

Carlos looked amazing, he was wearing dark blue skinny jeans and a red t shirt, he even looked like he had stolen some of Kendall's fashion choices as he was also dawning a pair of red vans. I watched the movement of his hips as he walked closer to me, and I could feel the heat rising up in my cheeks.

This was his make up dinner to me, yes there had been many dinners and movies and other dates over the last year, each of them going beyond perfectly, but Los had been saving this one, wanting it to be special. He refused to bring me back to red lobster until a year had passed since he had stood me up. He wanted us to be able to look at how far we had come in a year, and see how much we had grown together,

"Why are you blushing so hard boyfriend?" Carlos chuckled as he went to sit across from me in our booth, he looked around playfully, "is there some other sexy boy here trying to steal my logie?" I smiled at him and placed my hand in his as he stretched it across the table and shook my head.

I checked my watch on my other arm and looked at Los grinning madly, "Right on time ."

Carlos mocked me and pretended to be shocked, "Did you really think I'd ditch you here again?"

My face grew kind of serious and I tried to distract myself by looking at the menu. Yes Carlos and I had almost no issue in our relationship in the past year, but that didn't mean I didn't worry. I occasionally found myself worrying that Los would figure out that he didn't need me and that I wasn't good enough for him. But he was there for me, every day. He devoted our summer to building up my confidence in our relationship, and he had succeeded. But now, while we were both busy working and trying to find time for each other, and knowing that soon we would be off to college and we would have even less time, I found myself sinking back into that pit of depression and constant depression.

I could feel Carlos squeeze my hand as he watched me. His eyebrows were pushed together and I knew he knew what was going through my mind. "Logie we'll worry about the future as it comes...don't stress over it now babe. Please. Enjoy being here with me..."

Los looked at me with his sad puppy dog eyes and I immediately let the thoughts of the future go. There would be time to figure things out I realized. And we would figure them out together. I smiled at my boyfriend and squeezed his hand to show him I was calming down,

"You always know what to say to me to calm me down Los."

Carlos smiled at me, that sweet sweet smile that could end wars and poverty and all sorts of other terrible events and I did my best to give him that same smile. That smile that could melt away every fear we had, and every worry ran away. I knew I'd be lost thinking about the future, but Carlos was my future. He had always been my future and he would always be my future.

I took a deep breath and met eyes with my los, "Promise we'll always be good for each other, and to each other..." I closed my eyes for a second and opened them when Carlos uttered his response.

"I promise Logie, I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>sorry if you hate this ending :( I'm not too crazy about it myself, buuuut this way if I ever just want to come back to this and add a chapter about the future I can:) and I would just really hate it if I left all of you hanging for another year. But thank you so so much for everyone who stuck with this and saw it out through the end! I love you all, and if you want to, you can totally check out the other fic I'm in the process of writing, I'm going to try to be a lot better about updating it during the school year. <strong>

**but anyways, thank you all so much:) **

**-Tayler**


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